Last week I found out through a third party that my son had died.
He had died in May and this information has been withheld from my daughter and myself by my former wife.
I have been living with the trauma of not having my son in my life for many years. I had my children used as weapons against me and everyday it hurt.
Two years ago I was lucky enough to get my daughter back in my life, as she made that choice. Sadly my son had cerebral palsy and was very much more dependent and wasn’t afforded that choice.
Sadly my daughter has been cut off though making a choice and was not informed of her bothers death also. She like me did not have the opportunity to pay our last respect nor have we any knowledge of his final resting place. Closure is all that we want.
Hello @Stevepop,
I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your son that brings you here.
This sounds like such a difficult and painful situation for you, and your daughter. I wanted to share some sources of support you may wish to explore.
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Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.
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The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. They have a grief companion scheme where you can get 1-1 support from another bereaved parent. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.
Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their support, too. Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
I’m so sorry to read this heartbreaking post. The devastation of losing a child is beyond words and to have suffered the trauma of no contact as well and to have not been told I just can’t imagine your pain . Although I can understand the grief of losing a child as I lost my 28 year old daughter 14 months ago. It still feels like yesterday. I personally don’t believe there will ever be closure in this type of loss as it’s not in the natural order of life. Eventually over time we may learn to carry the grief and it will become a little softer and less raw, build our life around it. Our children will always be in our hearts and there will forever be a part of us missing. Be kind to yourself and talk on here when you feel the need .
I hope you have good friends and family support.
Please take care.
Thank you for your kind words, and sharing with me your loss also.
You are right about being kind to yourself, this is the message I have shared with my daughter.
Thank you
Hello and I meant to say there is an organisation called The Compassionate Friends. They are an organisation for bereaved parents/siblings. … run by bereaved parents. Reach out to them as they have been a great support and your daughter may find it helpful as well for sibling support.
Look after each other .
Yes, I have a daughter too who is struggling with the loss of her brother. You feel you need to be strong for them but inside it’s so hard. It’s very easy to judge yourself about how you are coping/ not coping and the guilt about what I could have done/ said that I don’t have the opportunity to do/ say now. It’s very easy to go down a rabbit hole isn’t it. But definitely try to be gentle with ourselves , no body chooses to take this journey. It’s the hardest and most difficult and painful journey ever. Xx
You are so so right about being gentle with yourself and your daughter as well. It is such a difficult path to walk and we mustn’t hurt ourselves more that we already are.
My daughter who is 29 talk everyday and sound off to each other, or as she calls it a rant.
It has help us to grow closer once more. It won’t bring backy son, but together we can move forward and share the best memories.
You’re right , although nothing can bring our children back, sharing the memories you both have of your son with each other sounds like finding some light in the very dark world we are trying to navigate our way through.
Sending love and support to you both. X