Losing my soul mate.

I am very new to this sort of thing. Being surrounded by great friends and a family who geographically aren’t near by it would seem that I have all the understanding and support imaginable. Sadly not the case. I lost the love of my life in 2019, suddenly and unexpectedly. Having to grieve during a national lockdown completely alone was the most unimaginably painful thing I have ever endured.
Here I am two years later, still struggling, but to family and friends, who have never experienced losing a partner, all is well in my world. I am over it, if only that were true. I miss him, I hate being on my own, I am relatively young, 56 and although not wanting to replace him worry that the rest of my life I am going to be alone. I also don’t want it to ever be ok that he isn’t here anymore, if that makes sense. A beautiful friend suggested I tried this to see if talking to like minded people would help me.


Hi I’m sorry for your loss I lost my husband last august and I’m 62 the future seems very bleak and for how long ? I miss him so much and I always will and after forty three years having to get used to being on my own is gruelling but I just take a day at a time I’m lucky to have lots of family and friends who support me and i have been so touched and humbled at the esteem they hold for both me and my husband, know that you’re not alone we’re all walking together heartbroken at our loss xx


You are not alone. I lost my husband ten months ago it’s his birthday tomorrow. I don’t know how I will cope with that. I too dread the thought of being alone at 59. I miss my husband everyday I think friends and family think after ten months I should be “over it”. But how can I ever be over losing a lifetime of love with my soulmate. I will miss him until Ian with him again. Everything happened so suddenly. No time to say I love you. I still find it difficult to believe he isn’t here with me. We move along this journey slowly and are on it together as a family with losing the one we love in common. Not we’re any of us want to be. Keep posting as this site is a saviour and everyone understands x


It was Derek s birthday today he died last September and sometimes

I think I’m still greiving as much today as I was I was earlier I feel that I shall never be happy again I haven’t lived alone for nearly 50 years I am so lonely although l have supportive family The reality of living on my own has really hit me today. Bereavement is such a devastating event nothing prepares you for it



Hi Louise I’m the same age as you and feel the same about remaining on my own. Many people say I’ll find someone else. But why would I want to. I still love the one who’s gone. I’ll never love anyone as much as I loved Tony. I would prefer my old life back but I’ll try to live a full life until we’re reunited. I have 2 fantastic sons and a lovely toddler grandson. I hope I’ll have more grandchildren in the future. And even though nothing can come close to replacing Tony I will try to be strong every day for them. It’s the only way I can cope with the sadness. Lots of love to everyone on this rocky road of grief


Thank you x

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Hi Lydian,
Thank you x

So true, thank you x

Exactly, can’t imagine ever feeling the same about anyone else, but equally terrified of being alone forever x

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How true Nel I’m 59 as well and to think I’m going to be like this for years is unbearable . I feel I’m just counting down the days of my life till I’m reunited with Jim. Its been 6 months now but feels like 6 days oh god please help me I’m so lonely and struggling.


Hello Louise
I can only imagine the horrifying experience of being without your love and so alone during the pandemic- how awful and how amazing you have been to get through. He would be so very proud of you I’m sure.
I’m 56 too and my darling Sunny died nearly 9 months ago. He was only 57. We were just getting our lives in order and making concrete plans for the future. He was my best friend, confidante, advisor, cuddler, all that good stuff. When your partner dies your whole identity is lost isn’t it- all your future plans, being part of a couple, the special language you only used with each other- everything. We didn’t have children together sadly, so I must start again completely, it feels with nothing. But my small band of incredible friends, and some family members, have helped me through so far. I totally get what you say about not wanting him to become less important or to fade, whilst also knowing that women our age might be alive, and potentially alone, for another 30 years or so. I think our paths will become clearer to us as time goes on but I know that my dear loyal friends will want me to find some happiness, whether that ends up being with someone else or not. I know they will support me whatever happens, and it sounds like yours will too.
I’ve said this a few times on these threads, but I had 6 sessions of the SR bereavement counselling at the end of last year and it was so helpful to have all my feelings accepted and validated, and to talk through these kinds of difficult thoughts.
Lots of love to you on this strange journey we’re on.
Sophie x

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Hi Louise21,

I am so sorry for your loss, I am new to this and I don’t really know what to do. I was with my late wife for 44yrs friend and hubby. She was diagnosed with Ms 16yrs ago and then I think the immune system started to attack her liver. She died just before last Christmas after a very very painful time and it hurt as any normal human being. The pain is immense, but I have a lovely lady who’s after me and she’s couple of years older than my eldest daughter. She lost her husband on Christmas day 3yrs ago last year. Not with any other person despite others who tried.

My question is to people, “what would be considered the time of grief?”

My wife and I always spoke repeatedly if anything happened to either, that we wouldn’t be alone. I loved my wife dearly, we looked after each other as I have chronic injuries from police service and her body killed her for a long time.

I don’t want to be seen as just walking away from her memories as they will never ever go away.

I’m interested in thoughts please. Thank you so much, and my thoughts are with each one of you.


I don’t know how long is enough for grieving everyone’s different if you feel ready then what have you to lose it doesn’t mean you still don’t love your wife or her memory. Hope you make the right decision for you mungo xx


Hi, ty for yr reply. It’s such a new thing for most of us, and yes I do feel guilt in some ways, but also acting on wishes too. So I shall see, It’s the adage old enough to be her father routine or sniggering as wants you as sugar daddy.

I don’t want any of that stupidity as am not chasing anyone. I just want happiness and am sure it won’t please everyone. This lady has been on me since beginning of the year with no influences by me.

So many morals in my head.


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Hi Louise.
I lost my Robbie suddenly and unexpectedly in 2019.l am similar to you.The grief and pain horrible. I am 66 with him for over years.l miss him every day memories at home every where.However l try to stay positive and make a life without him.l try to keep busy walk and walk fresh air.l also go on coach trips and l am starting to go to social groups.Being with people helps.l will never get over my loss but have to learn to live with it.l am thinking of you and so sorry for your great loss maureen Rome 7784

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I went to my first yoga class today I was terrified to go but did it. It just didn’t feel right. I came home and my husband was not there. I feel anxious upset guilty lost and so sad. Life goes on and our loved ones don’t. It’s not right. It will never be right. I don’t know how to fix myself and the tears are ready to flow x

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Every time I get in my car, every time I walk in to the house, radio, the total silence.

So very hard… easy to say life goes on, but after 44yrs. Dating is daunting and someone interested in me!.

I thought I would just plodding on and go from day to day.

But I’m more positive after 8yrs of expecting my lovely wife to pass. Hurts like hell, cried my eyes out until nothing more… I well up now talking about a lifetime past… I have got plenty to do and so grab what life I have left in me n family and hope things will be okay.

I truly wish you well xx

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I share your sense of bewilderment. I lost my wife last May after 33 years of marriage and, like you, I realise that people around me, whilst well meaning, have not suffered this kind of loss. I miss her every day but am just starting to see the green shoots of the ‘rest of my life’ starting to bloom. You will get there in the end but it’s a rocky road. I have now suffered my first Christmas, birthday and anniversary on my own and I’ve come through it all! Good luck x



Well put indeed. I have had the 1st Christmas and what would have been my 43rd anniversary on NYD. 1st birthday is next month and I have the picturehere of an engraved candle which i will light on every occasion. That’sthe best i can do at the moment .I will not please everyone as someone from a distance already taken a fancy to myself and its ruffled my eldest of the lady being in our home before going back to the states from UN contract in Yemen . I hate upset and I’m prepared to give up some form of happiness for my remaining time . I want to be happy,
biggest thing is she’s almost as old as my eldest, with 2 kids, my daughter feels she’s just
digging and not serious. She has her own house, money, skills etc , lost her own husband 3yrs ago
in a fatal car crash.
I don’t
know what if any future i have but would like support of my daughters 20220103_093006|432x500


Hi nel I found it really hard to return to the gym too but I forced myself to keep going I don’t really speak to others but feel better physically in myself and I also think emotionally but if I’m having a bad day I don’t go, there’s no rush and it’s something I can hold onto as something I know from my previous life which gives me comfort, it’s all I have as I don’t recognise myself now and I don’t know where I’m heading it’s all up in the air but I realise will unfold in its own time I have no control so just go with the flow just seeking calm and peace, hugs to everyone xx