Losing my two boys

Losing a child
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I am struggling to cope with losing my two boys. My son Ryan was also my best friend.i am having suicidal thoughts I can’t control them. I can’t stop crying every day

3 Likes
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Hi @Martin5,

I’m so sorry to hear about Ross and Ryan - that is devastating and it’s completely understandable you’re struggling to cope.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you’re feeling with us. It is very normal for people who are grieving to feel a bit lost and not know where to start.

We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

  • You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.

  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.

  • Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

Many of our members have lost a child and will understand some of what you are going through. Please do keep posting - you are not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen

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Hello, Martin5. I have just read your original post and am wondering how things with you now. My son died last November and we are hearbroken. I really can’t imagine what it is like to lose two sons. Sending deepest sympathy.

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Hi thank you. My apologies for you loser your son . The pain is overwhelming I can’t get through this, Ryan my second son was my best friend as well as my son . To be honest with you I talk with Ryan and Ross everyday, I feel suicidal

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So sorry to hear you have lost two sons :broken_heart::broken_heart:
I understand your feelings about not wanting to go on. I feel the same. Have you spoken to your GP? And there’s lots of support groups on fb that I’ve joined. I find these groups are a help. Stick to the uk ones as the American ones just want to pray.

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Hello again, Martin 5. I talk to my son too and I want to believe that he hears me. Just after he died last November, I felt I didn’t want to live anymore. However I knew it was important for me to stay here for the rest of my family, as otherwise I would just be increasing their grief. Just recently I have decided that everything I do in my life from now on, whether it be crafts, gardening, charitable work or just interacting with others, will be done to the very best of my ability in memory of my wonderful son. I am hoping that will help to make some sense of the rest of my life and perhaps dull down the feeling of “survivor’s guilt”. It isn’t easy, but at least there is some reason to get up in the mornings now.

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I have a memory page that I talk to my boys. It helps in some ways, I have amazing grandkids. My son Ryan 2 weeks before he passed was saying things to me , he ask me to make sure his daughter i take care of her . The day before he passed I was going to see him as he needed food but he phone me to say , Dad look after morag who was Ryan’s step mom as she was just out of hospital. On the Monday two days before he passed, we went to see him , he give me a big cuddle and told me he loves me. I know now that was his way to say I can’t go on . I miss Ryan’s texts and phone calls to which he phone it least ten times a day and about the same on texts . I have try to get therapy but it’s up to a year waiting list.

*[quote=“Martin5, post:1, topic:104096, full:true”]
I am struggling to cope with losing my two boys. My son Ryan was also my best friend.i am having suicidal thoughts I can’t control them. I can’t stop crying every day
[/quote]

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Hello Martin I’m really sorry to hear that you have lost two sons . I know the horror of this as two of my sons died within a few weeks of each other in 2021 and the pain is terrible to bear . I felt suicidal in the beginning and I need to say that the Samaritans saved me. They are available 24 hrs a day and are great listeners and it sounds as if you have a lot to get off your chest. Martin it’s important that if you kep having these suicidal thoughts that you see your Gp and let them know how you feel . Now is the time to surround yourself with as much support as you can as it will help a little .Will be thinking of you.