I lost my sweet wife of 40 years, to cancer over a period of 5 years in Feburary. She had other ailments beside this but I was sure she would live longer than she did, I was wrong. My two adult children have taken it very badly and will not visit or communicate with me despite my plea for them to do so. I wake up in the morning shaking with fear about the day ahead and worrying about my Son and Daughter.
Hi Vincent,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife and that your children have stopped being in touch. That is such a sad situation for you to deal with on top of your loss. It sounds as though you are feeling very alone right now. I am glad that you have found this site, as many of our users do find that it helps a little to be able to talk to others who understand some of their grief.
While you wait for more replies to your post, you may also find it helpful to read and reply to some of the other recent conversations in the Losing a Partner section of the site: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-partner
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Thank you, Sheila.
I think it is a bit of both, the hurt and now I am surplus to requirements. My wife would hand out money and presents babysit the Grandkids when it suited them, while I worked full time and still do. I feel betrayed or used, which seems the same as you and it hurts deeply. I know you are right to get on with things but it is very hard to accept.
The will was a factor as well my wife intended to leave her share of the house to the children, but changed her mind unkown to me at the time. It was my resposibility as I seen it, to inform them of their iheritance. I backfired badly the solicitor told them that my wife had changed her mind and did not sign the will. Somehow they believe I set them up for a fall and that I am a liar, but under Scottish law I am not allowed to see a private will even if it is my wife’s.
Hello Vincent So sorry to hear about your wife. You say your 2 adult children have taken it badly and will not communicate in any way or visit. Even if they’re hurting so much you would think they would want to be there for you to help you through your day. I have 3 sons, one by my partner and the other 2 I already had when I met Alan 43 years ago. My eldest one hasn’t been there for us much even when Alan was alive. He would promise to do things then never did them. He would pass the house to see one of his mates up the road but never called in. He’s not always been like that but he has for many years now. Selfish, drink and drugs i think are to blame. My middle son is back home with me now, but that was only because he was being made homeless from some drugs den he lived in and i couldn’t see him on the street. He says he doesn’t do drugs, but i beg to differ with the different mood changes he has. Going from being very drawn and quiet to loud, excitable and noisy. My youngest son was ok to start with. I helped him with his garden after his dad died and one day i sent him a text asking if he wanted me to help him again to do some more gardening. That was at quarter past one and at quarter past ten in the morning he’d been texting me normally. I didn’t get any reply so at twenty to two I sent another saying does that mean no. Still no reply. Three minutes later i sent another one saying don’t you get bored on your phone all time. I do. Been awake for hours but done nothing. Yet again no reply. My final one three minutes later was maybe you are asleep, again. His reply was no i don’t and no i don’t. I left it for a week then thinking he would calm down. Sent him a text saying I take it you’re not doing any garden today. His reply to that one was if I am its nothing to do with you. Go find someone else to push away. Stop texting me. He goes on to say he doesn’t like the way i slate everyone and i’m far from perfect myself. He’s sick of me slagging everyone off and to leave him alone. He’s blocked me on face book doesn’t respond to my calls or texts. Anything I’ve ever said about my family is true. They hurt me so that’s my defence. He says you can’t even give your son a grown man, a door key. Well no i can’t when he’s been involved with drugs. If they’re grown men why don’t they behave like grown men. My friend had a lot of jewellery stolen from a young member of her family. Someone she’d done a lot for. My sons forget the good you’ve done for them. Offering to lend money for a solicitor when his girlfriend took their baby son to live at the other end of the country. His dad paying debts what she had accrued and left him with. Holidaying with us to enable him to give his son a holiday, as he doesn’t drive and has no partner. The list is endless. Everyone deserves a second chance he says when one of my sons ex’s who’s a druggie, wanted to take me out for a coffee. I’ve sent him texts pleading with him but he doesn’t respond, so where’s my second chance. How can something so trivial blow up to be like this. I am now trying to forget they exist if that is how they want to be. I was left on my own the day after Alans funeral, as 2 of them were in the pub from opening 'til gone midnight when came. I would say there behaviour is despicable. All i would ask from them is just a text now and again just to say how are you mum. Are you ok. That is too much to ask. It was my birthday while Alan was in hospital and my eldest didn’t even get me a card. Got a text next day saying oh i forgot it was your birthday yesterday, theres nothing i can do about it now i’m in Aberdeen and won’t be home 'til tomorrow. At a time when i was feeling low a card would have been nice, as not receiving one just makes you feel more depressed and unloved. I hate it now when you hear things about family this and family that. Sorry to ramble on but at least you’re not on your own, but i don’t suppose that will make you feel any better.
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Hi Vincent - I read this just now and it always amazes me how people/ children/ relatives feel entitled to your money.
Sad about your children not visiting you - how was your relationship with them before your wife died?
I do hope you have good friends
Sadie
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Hi Sadie, My wife and I had a normal relationship with my “children” going on holiday with them, babysitting the grandkids and visits from them, my son who is single. stayed with us also.
I am lucky in that my siblings have been very supportive of me. But it is unbelievable how they reacted with the death of my wife.
I hope you are coping with your loss Sadie. Thanks for responding to my post a little kindness goes a long way.
Kind regards Sadie xx
Morning - god knows why people behave the way they do
There was someone who I really though it was my friend and since Jack became ill she basically ignored me and disappeared from my life
Maybe you create a new friends as I also need to do.
Weekends can be particularly challenging and I hope you cope ok today.
Sadie xx
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Sorry, I did not get back to you sooner Daisy I did not see a notification. I will send a private message
Thanks, Sadie this site has helped me realise, there are a lot of people in the same situation as me, and made it easier to cope. And thru time things will improve for both you and me.
love Vincent xx
Thanks, Sadie. this site has made me realise a lot of people are in the same or a worse situation as me. This has helped me and thru time you and I will heal our wounds, even if the scars remain.
Love Vincent xx