I lost my Wife, Fiona to cancer, in June last year. She battled so bravely for three and a half years. Even now, nearly eight months since Fiona passed, I still think that this is all a bad dream and life will get back to normal at some point.
Fiona was only 55. We have two wonderful children, 25 and 17. Far too young to lose their Mum and this is what is killing me inside. Fiona missing out on so many life events. I know Fiona will be looking down with such pride.
I visit Fiona’s grave most days to give her an update on everything that’s going on, how the children are and what they’re doing. This gives me some comfort, that I can talk to Fiona and know that she’s looking down on us all, and only wishing us well.
Life is so cruel, I’m trying to keep busy, talk to plenty of family and friends, which is definitely helping. Miss Fiona so much, something that I’ll never get over but somehow will have to learn to live with it.
Hello Ched25
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling . I’m so sorry to hear about your Wife, Fiona. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care, Rhi
Hi Ched25
I know how this feels - it’s really tough. I lost my wife after being married for 32 years in June last year after a few years of her battling with womb cancer. For the first 6 months it felt like I was living in a suspended state - waiting for something to happen and as you say it felt like a bad dream. I sussed out after a few months that what I was still somehow waiting for her to come home - pull up on the drive or be at home after I’d been out. I found coming home to an empty house the hardest thing - again thinking she’d be there. It’s taken a while to begin to adjust but I’m gradually getting there. The pain of losing her is still there but I’m also able to remember happy moments we shared. I find evenings are most difficult - there’s only so much Netflix to binge on!! We have four grown-up kids and 11 grandchildren (who Bev won’t now get to see grow up etc) and the kids have been really supportive but of course they are also grieving their Mum. I still find that grief ambushes me at the strangest of times, sometimes not for any specific reason. Christmas was a particular time of very mixed emotions - the first one without Bev and even though we were all able to be together we also felt the pain of that someone special missing. It definitely does gradually get easier, and I don’t mean this in a trite way, but this journey of grief is a very individual one and I’ve learnt that I need to go at my own pace and not beat myself up for crying and missing Bev so much. I agree - good friends and family are crucial but I also recognise they have their own lives to get on with and Bev would have wanted this. Thinking of you. John
Hi John, thanks very much for your reply. You are very correct in saying that grief is a very individual thing. There’s no manual or anyway you can prepare yourself for it. My children are dealing with it in their own way, thankfully, I have them both at home for now.
They are getting on with their lives, as Fiona would have wanted. The difficulty for me, is that we were together 24/7 throughout Fiona’s battle, and for that to be taken away, is so hard to deal with. We were together for 38 years, married for 31, a lifetime of memories together, 2 wonderful children, but I so desperately wanted another thirty years together, to enjoy life and experience many different life moments. So unfair.
Best Wishes
Mark
@Ched25 @Johnp
Im glad I’ve just read both your posts. I agree everyone grieves at their own pace. And it usually lurks in the background and waits. Lost my hubby January 4th. Seems a lifetime has gone by. Yesterday I cried at night today all this afternoon. It was aggressive cancer and he battled hard and brave. I don’t want him here in pain but I want him here. Does that make sense?. I miss him so much and yes friends and family can only do so much bless them but until you’ve lost a partner there’s no true understanding. So baby steps for me. Day by day x
That’s all you can do, day by day. It’s the most gut wrenching experience you’ll ever have to deal with. It’s killing me inside but for the sake of my children, I’m trying so hard to keep it together but I’ve lost my best friend and life partner.
Nothing can prepare us for this. But sharing our thoughts and wishing each other well, can only help. Try to keep strong, keep busy and continue to talk.
Take care
@Ched25
Thank you for your response. Perhaps something like this should become a lesson at school. A little preparation. It’s funny how you remember certain things like I always thought it odd when mum said she missed her mum. I used to think but she died when mum was young like for ever ago. Now look at me. Strike that I was wrong nothing can prepare you for this. Xx