In March this year my wife passed away after going into hospital with no specific illness only an upset stomach causing her pain, 11 days later she passed away, she was only 55 years old, we spent 27years together, I’m 52 so most of my adult life was spent with her, we did almost everything together. I have a great circle of friends and family who support me.
The biggest thing for me is not sleeping, I have dreams that I am going to die and will be going to be with my wife or any other dream involves my wife and is awful. Also when I come home I have nobody I’m on my own and it’s hard to deal with knowing, nobody is coming home to be with me, spend the evening watching TV, having tea, the everyday ordinary things are gone forever, I have nobody to cuddle upto and share my bed with, it is an awful feeling and I don’t know how to move forward or do I just have to get on with life and its all part of the grieving process
It’s so hard my husband passed 15month ago married 44years he passed 11th November 2020 my life is so different I go through the motions but that’s what grieve is I don’t cry all day but once a day you take care annie x x
Hi so sorry for your loss. My hubby died eight months ago. We are left just trying to survive each day . I have family at home so I am not alone but still very lonely. I still can’t watch TV programs that we use to watch.listen to music most of the time.but even that brings heartache. I was with hubby from being 16 and married 39 yrs .we were both 59 . So I don’t know anyother life. Keep posting and reading on this site .I have found it very helpful. The feelings I have are normal and other people feel the same xtake carex
Thanks for the replies, I even find it difficult to watch TV, I have no interest in watching, it seems pointless and boring without my soulmate to have a moan about it or laugh and cry. So I just don’t bother
Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss, my husband died in March 2021 now 15 months. I met him when I was seventeen and been married for 44 years.
We do have married children and grandchildren, and I have close friends. But at the end of the day when I come home from work or going out, it’s still hits you no one is at home waiting for you.
I lost interest in TV, just can’t concentrate for any length of time, I do read but not as much as I used too. Listening to music is the only thing I do all the time but even certain songs brings on the tears. It is the physical contact, holding hands, hugs I miss the most. I often look at photos of us when we were young, knowing that is never going to be us again and I can’t quite get my head around that even now.
We are all on an unwanted journey, we can only do the best we can each day, moving forward and taking our loved ones with us as we go. X X
Thank you for posting. I am now six and a half months in to this new and unwanted life without my lovely Sue. It has taken me all this time to get back to sleeping what I now regard a full night, which is about 6 hours. I have tried hard not to avoid doing things we did together, so I do watch TV and make “smart” remarks as I always did. I can hear her saying “shut up, I’m trying to watch this” just as she did. Funnily enough I have established a routine of watching a not-too-taxing recorded TV programme when I go to bed. We liked things like NCIS and the various law & Order series. Gradually I feel my eyelids getting heavier, and I turn off the TV and light, and try to void my mind. In the early days I was lucky if that first snooze lasted 1 or 2 hours, and then, once I woke, I could not get back to sleep. Gradually it has improved little by little. Going places we went together has helped me, and I have posted elsewhere that I am sprinkling a small portion of her ashes at our favourite and some new places. Of course, the emptiness is often there, especially when with friends that we socialised with together. But I really do want to incorporate that “emptiness” into my new life. I know that those cherished memories of our time together are intended to last and to help nourish me on the road to recovery, so I am trying to embrace the feelings rather than avoid them. In fact I hope it never stops hurting.
Hi I am still not sleeping propaly.im lucky if I get four hours .some nights I don’t sleep at all. Got no interest in food. I just plod on each day glad it’s over. I also don’t want the pain in my heart to stop .but just wish the horrible thought in my head would stop. Sorry for your loss .xtake carex
Absolutely agree with you all here. To any of you I haven’t exchanged posts with yet and sent by deepest sympathy, I’ll do it now. I know what you’re all going through, my beloved was only 57 when a sudden heart attack took him away from me, so sudden and unexpected that even now after 18 months, while I write this, it’s as if it just happened yesterday. I just can’t get out if this “time trap” I’ve fallen into, my disbelief and shock is the same as it was that day. Missing him more and more each moment of the day, hurts so much I feel like I’m going crazy.
I’m lucky too, if I get 4/5 hrs sleep, when I do eventually do get some. I am also unable to watch TV progs we used to watch together, tunes we used to play together on the piano. Can’t even go to the same shops, I once had to go to a hardware department store my husband loved to wander about in (a real handyman, he fixed everything in the house,never had to call anyone), but I had to rush out again as I was about to burst into tears. Can’t cook his favourite dishes and I don’t do Sunday roasts anymore which he loved. I know now that I’m just going to live the rest of my life (this is more survival, rather than life), longing to have him back and just simply never accepting that he’s gone.
Hi I feel exactly the same . The hurt is so bad. We should of had a lot more years together. I always had a young outlook on life always happy what ever went wrong . Hubby always new how to stop me from worrieng about stupid things . Now I just feel old and so lost . It’s a struggle everyday and seems like it’s getting worse as the time passes .I put an act on with family and work but when I’m in my room on my own the heartbreak and tears come. Can’t see it ever getting any easier. Sorry for your loss xtake carex
Thanks for your reply, sounds like how I feel at the moment after only two month without my best friend
It’s 8 months since my husband died and I miss the everyday things like just discussing the news or what to have for tea etc. It’s a hard lonely life that we have to adjust to.
Take care xx
Its 4 months since my beautiful wife passed away suddenly and its now going from bad to worse, along with many other things I cant stand to be in the house for more than a couple of hours at a time, without my mind working overtime, imaging me and my wife doing just normal things together, talking about our day, talking about what shall we do the weekend, talking about how shall we spend out holidays, people are saying its so nice to have the light night ,I hate the light nights, all it does for me is make the day longer before I can try and eat and then go to bed and try and sleep, even then all this does is bring on the next day day to start all this over again, its horrible, I wouldn’t wish this Greif trip on my worst enemy, Take Care everyone x Mickere
I’m sorry that you find yourself in this situation that none of us ever wanted. I lost my husband last March so I am a year further on. I, too, am 52 and spent all my adult life with him. My life seems pretty surreal now as my head still doesn’t seem to comprehend how he can have just gone (he collapsed and died with no warning). I have just got back from a few days away with my daughter. I sat and watched everyone walk by with their partner and can’t comprehend how that isn’t ‘us’ any more. I think in the first few months the shock and brain fog affect your thoughts. I hate coming back to an empty house and probably always will. All we wanted out of this part of our life was to enjoy things together. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that that can never be. All I can say is that you get more used to dealing with it and better at putting on a ‘mask’. Take care
Hi Mruss
I lost my husband 2 years ago this week. We were married 42 years.
There is no quick fix, the loss is always with you but somehow it gets easier to bear and I think you seem to start to cope better without realising it.
After the suffering my husband went through before he died I became obsessed with thoughts I would die soon too and leaving my daughters before they had recovered from the loss of their dad. I cleared every drawer in the house out. I had lost my mum a year before so really I was still grieving her loss as well.
From being a partnership as “we” suddenly I was solo, an “i” person. It is a long slow journey, he is my first thought in the morning and last thing at night and always will be but very slowly you start to adapt. I think when you hit rock bottom you have to start and come up so hang on in there. Gradually you find memories make you laugh more than cry and thoughts of how lucky I was to have a husband so wonderful seem to fall into place.
Hope this helps. X