Hi I lost my wife a year and 3 months ago. Although I go out and have fabulous friends and family. But when the door shuts it’s horrible. I don’t want to keep telling people how much I miss her ( I think they know) but I am sure they will get fed up eventually with me .
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Hi kwent
Only people that have lost someone know what its like. Friends mean well but dont understand the pain we feel every day. Keep posting on here we all are in same boat so can relate to your feelings . Most of my friends have disappeared since my husband went maybe they dont know what to say . The one that hurts the most is a friend that promised jim she would look out for me and help me. Only seen her twice in 13 months.
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Hey @Kwent - welcome, you are among friends who understand exactly how you are feeling and how tough this is. I find it helps to drop into conversations how lovely my husband was, or how funny, or creative or strong. That way, I keep him close and our friends are really happy about that and add their own stories.
I am here, the door is shut, the apartment is silent and I know what you mean. My friend, you said you have fabulous friends and family so I think they will never get fed up with you. Just be you, don’t think about pleasing other people. They love you and they are with you. As are your new family here.
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From my limited experience ladies who have lost their partners. There friends seem to desert them for reasons I don’t really know. Which is a shame. I take on board your advice thank you
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@Kwent
You can post on here as often as you like about your wife. We never get fed up with each other doing so as I think we all want to talk about them. They are still a huge part of who we are after all.
xxx
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My daughter who has been fabulous to me and has lived with me all her life ( aged 26 ) although she spends half her time at her boyfriend’s. Now they want to buy a house together. Now the realisation is that I will be on my own totally. When they are here at my house I sometimes wish they weren’t. How can I moan that I am on my own then wish I was. So many mixed emotions. Is it because I want my wife which is obviously not going to happen because she has passed away. Does anyone else feel the same?
Totally get the mixed emotions thing. Mine can be all over the place at times. Grateful that I have family around me, 85 year old Mum nearby and daughter living with me. Then wish I didn’t have to be doing things and going places to help them as it’s yet another job to do. Makes me feel so horrible to think like that.
I am totally fear for the future. I am 61 what will happen will I meet someone do I want any one ? Not sure if I want to meet someone who has a load of problems with family etc . When my friends wife’s girlfriends hug me it’s so so nice. Is that all I want? I have no answer to it all but wish my wife was with me . If I met someone is that cheating on her???
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@Kwent
I don’t believe there is a right or wrong with any of what happens after loss.
The way I feel at the moment I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone else. I miss Richard, not a husband, but that doesn’t mean I think it would be wrong.
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Not sure what topic this comes under but what do I with my wife’s clothes. I have managed to bag a couple up and they are sitting in the bedroom. Which bought on tears . I don’t want to give the clothes out locally has I would hate to see anyone wearing them. Or am I being selfish?
@Kwent - my friend, I have been doing exactly the same thing here, with Tom’s things. This is a tricky thing to navigate and for me, I could only do it when I felt strong enough. Take your time. Like you, I wanted to give them to a charity store so others could benefit. You could go to a nearby town to take the clothes, if you feel ready and if that is what you would feel more comfortable doing. You are not being selfish - quite the reverse, you are being self-less, in sharing things that your wife does not need now but that others badly do. Maybe keep some things back that are particularly special. I held back a jumper that he wore, because it is the colour of his eyes. So take all the time you need and go where you feel is right. You are doing really well. x
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Dear kwent all what you have said really rings true for me. I too have a daughter and grandaughter. My daughter lived with her boyfriends house for a number of years daughters and was moving into her new home the day her mum died . She stayed witg me for a month but then was pressured to move in with her boyfriend. For me too beeing on my own after being with someone for 43yrs was a massive adjustment. As you have to do the job of two. The silence in the house was deafening but i have use tricks putting in the tv radio etc whilst doing this , i am slowly funding i can be on my own without being lonely but it is a jorney not a destination.
My daughter has been a,star and we discuss stories about her mun and even laugh at what she would say at the things we do. As i have posted before my bright star is my grandaughter who i can pour my love into, for my wifes clothes are still in ghe wardbrobe but i am going to get a chest she would have loved and will build upto putting her clothes in . This means i will have time to decide what todio, my daughter wants to make a teddy bear from onecof her dresses. Like you i am 59 and everyone keeps telling me i am still young, i am sure my linda would like me to be happy but in my soul i know at this time i only need companionship , as you say a hug. All the best mate. Allen