Losing my will to go on.

Everyone loses loved ones eventually, it is part of life, but what do you do when you’ve let it ruin your own life and even some of those around you. My cousin Godfrey and aunt Florence 2002 Halifax Dec.22 motor vehicle accident…my mother Marilyn 2005 Dec.28 overnight in her sleep no warning, my only brother Peter 2013 November 30 motor vehicle accident, my father David 2018 April 20 to dementia he was my hero…I watched him lose everything he knew and was and lost myself along with him with drug abuse, horrific behavior and finally prison…I’m wondering why I am left…I’m seriously thinking of suicide daily…too much of a coward to go through with it…tell myself is today the day you got the guts to finally join them…and every day it’s the same cowardice…

… life is fragile
Your father David made it through all of the same as you and he kept going and so can you. I am not in your shoes so I dont know the best words to say. Trying to see my way through your situation.
You do need a strong support group to help to feel stable.
Most people who experience sudden loss like you have, do wonder how they are still here day after day.

A friend on here said that when you lose people you love, you’ve got to become your own anchor. You must try not to get swept away. It sounds cliche, but we’ve got to be our own best friend at times. You just keep going, until it gets better. And it will bet better.
Has your GP been of any support?

You’ve taken a brave step reaching out here for support @lost4ever. I’m sorry to hear about your cousin, auntie, mother, brother, and father passing away. I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling having lost so many of your loved ones. I can hear how much you miss them and how much you’re struggling which is understandable.

You mentioned that you’re thinking of suicide daily, I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this pain. I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. There is always hope that things can get better and we’re here to support you through this.

If you’re struggling with these thoughts at any point and feel you may need extra support outside of our community, you can always reach out to one of these organisations below:

  • The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
  • Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions
    are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this
    service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
  • You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other
    support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently
    offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online
  • If you feel you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency
    appointment immediately.

Remember you’re not alone and these services are always just a call or text away anytime you need someone to talk to. Keep reaching out to us too :slight_smile:

I appreciate all the kind supportive words… I’ve found it easy to hear suggestions but nigh impossible to implement or follow through…It is also not lost on me that others face even far greater distress and carry on…but as cliche as it sounds I’m not those…still you folks have given me something to ponder…thank you.

I’ve been and am in mental health support . My Dr seems empathic but it’s the same end…medication…and I’ve tried several devoutly…quintiapine, remeron, sertraline… etc…honestly all it got me was a lot of extra weight…

Dear Tinalou

I’m so very sorry to hear about the sad loss of your husband in such a shocking way. Also your having to deal with your sisters illness as well at the same time is, as you say, a nightmare situation for you I hope you can find the strength to carry on and do the best you can for your sister.

My husband was terminally ill with copd for several years before dying from covid in April 2020 We had been married 43 years Like your husband he had battled against ill health for several years only to die suddenly from the virus I ve found it comforting to read the posts and to hear other people’s stories
Hoping you find this too
Take care. Christine

Maybe you should stop thinking of your self this way. You are stronger than you think .i wish i could sit with you have a beer .tell each other funny stories. But thats not how we are at this moment. Give yourself a break before you break youve dealt with a lifetime of grief in rapid fire and its really not good for your mind. I lost one and im still hurting. Ive had same thots make it stop. Be hed be ashamed of the time i through away . It wud be spitting in his face .to do that. Hold them in your heart live your life fir you enjoy all you can for them too. Every smile and happy moment they will see you someplace and they loved you just as much as you did still do. Dont waste what they lost . X