I am 54 years old. I have never married and do not have any children. My mum died on 18 January 2026. I lived with my mum and looked after her for the past 13 years. I was holding her hand when she died. 3 days after as I was organising her funeral, I started getting abdominal pain. The pain became severe and had to get an ambulance to A&E. I ended up having an emergency open bowel operation and was in hospital for 9 nights. I was desperate to carry on organising my mums funeral as I was doing it on my own despite having a sister living near but for some reason she hates me. I managed to organise my mums funeral in time, it was on 12th February. I think I have delayed grief as when I was in hospital I was in such pain and had to concentrate on myself. You cannot grieve in hospital. Then when I came out, organising my mums funeral took all my time. But the day after my mums funeral and ever since, I have been in turmoil and can’t seem to stop crying. I love my mum so much. We were very close. I am off work at the moment due to recovering from surgery and grief. I work from home 3 days a week. I am not sleeping much at night which isn’t good as I have Fibromyalgia and M.E. My life has completely changed. It is hard to get up of a morning and hard to motivate myself. I have been doing lots of paperwork to do with my mum and still have more to do. When my dad died in 2012, 26 December, I was heartbroken as I was close to my dad too but it helped having my mum here and I tried to stay strong for her. I helped my mum look after my dad. He had pulmonary fibrosis. It seems worse when your second parent dies. Although my mum had been ill for years, it was a shock when she suddenly went downhill. She was given a year to live 12 years ago. She died from heart failure and severe aortic stenosis. I feel lost, like I am in limbo. Grief is horrible as everything seems so negative. It is hard to imagine a future without my mum in it. I cannot sort out her personal things yet in her bedroom as it is too upsetting and I am not ready. Luckily I don’t have to worry about moving out and can stay here for the rest of my life. Mum made it that way. My sister has hated me since I was 21 years old, always putting me down and being nasty and trying to create trouble. She has even done the latter since my mum died. We have never had a row or anything and before I was 21 we were very close. She is 8 years older than Mr. She had turned my brother in law and niece and nephew against me. I have had to accept all of this. I won’t be having anything to do with her and her family once I don’t need to discuss mum with her anymore. It is sad but she is toxic and got to think of my own mental health. I just need to carry on forcing myself out of bed each day and carry on with my mums paperwork and functioning. My mum would not want me to go into a deep depression. Just so difficult as everything seems much harder lime I am waking through treacle.
Thank you for sharing this with us, @Lynette71. I’m sorry to hear about your mum. I’m just giving your thread a gentle bump as I can see you posted a little while ago.
Take care
Seaneen
Hi @Lynette71
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It all sounds very draining and difficult for you. I can identify with some of what you are going through. I lost my mum 8 months ago. It was very hard to get through those first few months. There was the shock and lack of motivation and even the simplest things were three times harder than previously. You have also had to deal with being very poorly and the situation with your sister. I can’t imagine how difficult and upsetting it’s all been for you. Just take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get through each minute, hour and day. Do what you have to and the rest can wait until you feel able. It’s hard to think about looking after yourself at this time I’m sure but if you feel able try to focus on your needs as much as you can. I used to hear people say he kind to yourself but didn’t know quite what that meant before. In the first few months I couldn’t focus enough to do that. I was too upset. It does come with time though as you feel stronger you start to listen think about your own needs more.. Sending strength and understanding 
Hi Lynette71,
I’m so so sorry to read what you’ve gone through, & are going through. Biggest hugs to you.
I can relate so far as losing both parents, mum in January, & having a sibling who you used to be close to hating you. I had 3 siblings, two died years ago along with dad, the older one & I are all who are left since my mum died. My brother has been angry with me for years, but became volatile & verbally abusive since mum died in a RTA. I was in the same accident but he doesn’t care that I could’ve died too. I know it’s not my fault but it’s hard to navigate my own healing, trauma & grief when you have someone you should be able to lean on for support blaming you & telling others you’re the reason your mum died. I too am not married, in my 50s with no kids.
For me, talking to those I truly trust has helped a lot. I’ve seen who really cares about me & it’s made me realise I’m not alone in this. I have, in the past, sometimes felt invisible not only to family, but to friends too. I now know I’m not. Those who truly matter see me & my pain & they want to help.
You & I will get through this turbulence, I truly believe this. If you’re ever in doubt, reach out to everyone here. We’re here for you. We’ve got you. 
