I lost my Nan on Thursday. She was perfectly fine. She had underlying health conditions but was still lively for 92. She survived many things throughout her life including breast cancer twice. The last time I saw her was about 2 weeks ago. The last time I saw her she squeezed me tight and we said our usual routine of goodbyes and I beeped my horn as she stood at the top of the bank in her doorway and waved me off. I thought I’d see her over the bank holiday weekend and said - I’ll see you soon. I didn’t. Not in the way I expected. The days leading up I felt a sense of overwhelming dread and panic and didn’t know why. The day it happened my Dad came home quickly and then straight back out to her house. I got a text around lunch saying can we FaceTime. Expecting my Mam, Dad and Nan to pop up on the call. My Nan didn’t. Then I knew. I felt numb when they told me. My Mam had gone down to drop off some food for her for the weekend and found her in the bathroom. I’ll spare the details. We believe she passed very quickly from a heart event. She had angina and she had been in heart failure for a while. But we didn’t expect her go this soon. Friends said she was lively the day before. She had her tablets on the morning and from what was left, a half cup of tea on the bench. I feel numb but reassured she will be okay where she is now as we often talked about life after death. I feel like she’s just at the hospital and will be home soon. She was a second parent to me. I’m scared it will hit me in a few weeks really badly. I am in the process of getting back into work and this has knocked me. She was recently out of hospital in January, following chest pain. She spent Christmas there. I thought, that could be her last for some reason at the time. She surprised us and made a good recovery. I have so many questions. We are waiting for the medical examiner to give us a cause of death before we can proceed with anything as it was sudden and unexpected.
Thanks for reading if you got this far x
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Hello @catehun,
Thank you for so bravely sharing this with the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your nan.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Many of our members have experienced the death of their grandparent and will understand some of what you’re going through. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Losing a grandparent category. But there you will find lots of conversations from other members who are coping with their grief. You may find some comfort in knowing you are not alone.
You may also find these Sue Ryder resources helpful right now.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support too. Keep reaching out and take care 
Alex
Hello Catehun
Firstly, I send you my condolences on the passing away of your beloved nan. It is such a heartbreaking and emotional time. You will all feel the loss of your nan greatly. I can empathise with you when you say that you keep thinking that your nan will return from hospital.
My mam, passed away 9 weeks ago. She was 82. We had lived together for 60 years, 9 years since dad passed away. I am completely lost and heartbroken. I miss her so much. Mam’s armchair is opposite mine in the living room. On an evening, we always watched telly together. Now I look across and sometimes when I am tired I just think: I will see you in the morning mam. I don’t know why this comes into my mind but it does.
I am glad you talked to your nan and both firmly believe in life after death. So do me and mam. They will always be there for us and part of us.
Just to add that you said that you saw your nan two weeks before she passed as you said in your message. Your nan knew how much you loved her and visited her when you had the opportunity.
On the morning mam went into hospital, she was her usual self. Doing a little dance to the playlists of songs that I made for us both.
It was late in the morning when she started with pain in her stomach. I had no option late in the afternoon other than to ring an ambulance. Mam was in nearly 3 weeks and came home under palliative care. She was home where she wanted to be and passed away 9 days later, a week after her 82nd birthday. She was such a beautiful mam. She always was smiling and I never knew her complain about anything, not even in the last 3 years when she had Alzheimer’s disease.
God bless. You are in my thoughts. I send you all my kindest regards and best wishes. Stephen. 
