I lost my dad a few weeks ago, we haven’t been close in the last couple of year but his loss has really hit me hard. I used to spent a lot of time with him when I was younger and have the best memories but some of the choices he made in life meant as I’ve got older we haven’t been as close. I think as well as being racked with grief, I’m also really struggling with the guilt of not making more of an effort when I had the chance and the heartbreak of knowing it’s too late now.
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Hello @Lancecorporal0410 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling and that you are struggling with guilt. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hello Lance - I’m really sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is like losing a limb and the grief that follows is a very lonely and agonising journey.
Often when losing someone regret and guilt are very common and all consuming feelings. I similarly lost my grandad two weeks ago and I was hit with the intense feelings of horrible guilt. I replay memories in my head of things I could have said to him, things I did that hurt his feelings, things I wish I could do with him now. I should have picked up the phone and called, seen him more rather than my friends who are way less important to me, told him I loved him more. The feelings are so horrible that I think I can’t live with myself and that I want to join him - just so I can see him and tell him how much he meant to me. Let’s just say I wouldn’t win grandchild of the year award when he was alive.
But I think what’s important is that as we grow older our parents and grandparents understand that life takes us in different directions. Their happiness comes from knowing that we are happy. Also. Regardless of everything you know you love your dad deeply, and those memories you cherish show how much you love him. And I’m very very sure your dad knew how much love you had for him - parents and grandparents are special like that.
I hope you know you’re not alone in this struggle of grief and guilt.