Losing parents

Losing a parent
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Last February I lost my mum and dad within 4 days of each other. My dad had been ill for a long time so it was expected but my mums death was not, it was a total shock, my world was turned upside down and inside out.
I feel as if I haven’t started grieving for my dad yet as I’m still getting over the shock of my mum and grieving for her.
I feel broken and lost.

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Hello @Suzys1,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you’re feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and dad - that is devastating and it’s completely understandable you’re feeling so lost. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen

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Aww Suzys1
I am so sorry for your losses. Its heart breaking to read your post.
You have so many emotions going on when you deal with grief and to lose both parents so quickly is something I cannot comprehend. I am sure there will be other people on here who have experienced it so I hope they reach out to you soon and help you.
Look after yourself as much as you can now and heal a little slowly
Thinking of you
Deborah x

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Thank you so much for your kind words x

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Hi Suzys1
No need to thank me lovely. We are all here together and help each other if we can.
How are things today with you?
Do you have any family to help you through all this or friends?
Thankfully I have a wonderful husband and a 28 yr old son who have have given me do much support. I haven’t involved many friends as they simply have no idea what it’s like to go through this. It quickly became apparent that silly or stupid remarks in the beginning that they said without thinking upset me so I decided to turn to this site to share feelings with people who really understood me.
How about counselling? I know it depends on what’s available in your area etc but maybe worth a try.
Keep posting on here.It honestly will help you.
Thinking of you
Deborah x

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Hi Deborah,
I do have family but feel sometimes that I don’t want to burden them with how I am feeling.
I have actually been in touch with a counsellor this morning and arranged a meeting with her so hoping this will help x

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Hiya Suzy’s,
I know how you feel about family I felt the same.
Wonderful news about making the call to reach out to a counsellor.Itscacstart.Well done lovely.
Let me know how you get on
Deborah x

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Thank you. How are you feeling today?
I was reading your previous posts about your mum, it seemed you had a lovely relationship very similar to mine and my lovely mum x

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Hi Susys1
I am still not feeling well with my swollen neck glands so feel more miserable than ever. Having a quick catch up on here.
Aww my mum and I went everywhere tog and she was very much part of our life coming on holidays with us for the past 2
30 years so the bond bet us was so so strong.
I dont know how I am going to get through my life without her but I know she would want me to carry on because she was always so positive. So lovely and calm all the time. Always fun to be with. Young at heart for 89yrs.
I try so hard to keep busy every day but its a tough one. I feel lost without her and everything is pointless.
Am just existing to be honest. Aimlessly getting through each day.
How have you been today?
Have you found anything that helps you get through the day?
Deborah x

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Hi Deborah,

Sorry you are still feeling unwell.
It sounds like you had a lovely relationship with your mum. I was very close to mine too and she was my world, I understand how you feel when you say you don’t how you are going to get through life without her, I feel the same. My mum was 76, very glamorous and didn’t look her age at all.
I am currently off from work, I’m recovering from a lumpectomy and radiotherapy. I find some days very hard to get motivated and could easily stay in bed but I try and think that my mum wouldn’t want me to be like this.
Sending love
Julia x

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Hi Suzys 1
Yes that’s how I feel. I drag myself out of bed and just try to carry on. Thankfully I am retired now so don’t have the worry of employers etc. I would never eb able to work like this. I really feel for those who struggle going to their workplace and putting on a brave face.
As lots of people say it will easier to accept but I can’t see that yet.
I would stay off work for as long as you can. Your wellbeing comes first now. Make sure you look after yourself and try to heal as much as you can and however you can. Take every bit of help you can.
Here any time
Deborah x

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Thanks for you kind words Deborah, you take care too x

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I can identify with how you are feeling. My parents recently died 10 days apart! Our focus has always been on mum as she struggled with health issues for the past few years. Dad was fit with a great sense of humour. As he had good genes I guess we thought he’d be with us forever! He suddenly got a chest infection and passed away before our mum. We were all absolutely shocked, devastated, angry and feel guilty for perhaps not giving him enough attention. He would always put our mums needs before his own and joke through the tough times. Losing both parents so close together is a real gut punch. With mum we can try and draw some comfort from the fact that she’s no longer suffering but harder with dad. I feel like a lost child x