Losing parents

Hi. Just joined the site tonight.
Apologies not sure how long this post will be just feel so bad tonight.
6 months ago I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer, it was so aggressive. She was 64 years old, fit and healthy and never had any serious illness before.
When the doctor told us she was dying we just fet numb and I suppose you start grieving from that moment. When she died it was just shock and disbelief, every night in tears. I was so close to my mum.
I was just starting to deal with it then it kicks in again that iv’e lost my mum, disbelief that I’ll never see her again.
Then last week I receive call from the police that they’ve forced entry at my dad’s, he had collapsed and been taken into hospital and after a day on life support it was switched off.
My parents had split up twenty years ago, I was twenty at the time and took my mum’s side. I didn’t see my dad for about 10 years after that, I regret that so much but for the last 10 years we’ve got to know each other again.
I’ve got other feelings now of guilt and anger which I didn’t have before.
I’ve lost both parents now and I can’t cope. I’m drinking quite heavy and just don’t know what to do really. I’ve spoken to cruse and they said it will be 3 months before I can speak to anyone.

you have gone through a shocking loss. I have a cousin whose wife went through the same thing. one weekend, we buried her mother, also from pancreatic.

the next weekend, we buried her father. he was found, on his basement stairs. he had had a heart attack. he could not bear her loss.

my parents are also gone. just the last two years. it has traumatized me, and I don’t think that is too strong a word.

the last thing, always remember, the last thing your mother and father want is that you blame yourself, or treat yourself badly. drinking is a natural reaction but they would not want to see you doing harm like that to yourself.

and drinking brings on depression and makes moods blacker. not good. all they want to see is that you move forward in a healthy fashion. hard, but it is the better road.

forget regrets. we all have them, especially as we cannot go back in time and fix things. but do not let them take over. then here comes the drinking.

allow yourself some indulgences. but do not let them take over and don’t rot away in them, either. I attended grief support groups here in America. they helped tremendously because everyone in that room knew exactly the pain I felt.

do well by yourself. that is what they would have wanted.

Back to top