I’ve just joined your group today and I’ll tell you my story on the 4th of August. This year I lost my partner of 24 years unexpectedly he hadn’t been ill and at the age of 63, was a healthy adult we have one son together who is 19 we are both still devastated and just seem to struggle through life. My son had to perform CPR on his dad, but it was too late. We were told he died several hours before
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So sorry for your loss. This is a site where you can vent without judgement. We have all been where you are. My husband died early June. Just say what you feel it really does help and you will get help and support. Xx. Sandra
I’m sorry you find yourself here but it’s a place where we all get it and understand.
My seemingly healthy 49 year old partner died suddenly while out on his bike in Jan. One minute talking and laughing, next on the floor dead. His life over in seconds.
The shock, suddenness and grief are so hard to comprehend, the raw pain at the start is all consuming and you really don’t know how to do life but we do.
It’s small steps and stay focused on the now. 9 months on, I’m in a much better place, life is ok most of the time. I miss him and us. I miss the ease our relationship gave me. Life is definitely harder but it’s ok.
You’re son may benefit from the losing a parent group. He may be able to reach out to other children who have lost their dads.
Keep reaching out. It’s a good place as we all get it.
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Sorry to hear of your loss.
It is hard most of us here have hone though or are going through similar journeys. Some of us are further tha other’s but we all face the same pain and
Grief.
I have been 5 months since my husband passed away suddenly and unexpected.
Some days are better than others but i still cry and get upset. Dont think anyone can ever get over the initial shock. But we are now living in a different world I guess we just get by exist every day the same as the last. Please take time to look after yourself And as i do now live each day who whats ahead.
Take care
Lynne
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@Sweep1 the joy of this community is that we are all facing the same challenges. It’s 17 weeks tomorrow since I lost my partner and soulmate. He turned 69 on the 16th July, had a massive heart attack on the 22nd and although the doctor from the air ambulance and a huge crew of paramedics managed to get his heart beating again and breathing too much damage had been caused and after a week in ICU he passed away on the 29th. Once again no warning before the attack. Initially I constantly kept asking myself if I could have done more before the ambulance team arrived but I couldn’t manoeuvre him on to his back to start CPR. He was sadly overweight, which I don’t doubt was a factor in his death, but reassurances by the hospital, reinforced by our families that I had done all I could have eased the guilt a bit but I am sure I will always have that tiny flicker of doubt.
I hope you will soon be able to move forward. It’s a slow journey for us all, and one that we will all take at different paces. As I have said in previous posts while we are all facing a similar loss we will all start at different stages and move forward at different paces. One day at a time, some better than others but we will get through this. Life will never be the same again but it will go on, we will all find our own ways to reach a new normality.
Thinking of you all. Coming up to 5am and have been awake since 3. Had an injection in my knee yesterday and it is making it uncomfortable to get settled, going to try to get some sleep, nothing to get up for in the morning so doesn’t matter if I sleep on.
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@Annde . I was up at 05:45. Which is a lie in for me. Normally 5. My carers are coming in at 07:00 this morning. I may actually try and got to bed for a sleep early p.m. it makes it a very long day. Do the injections work? How painful are they? I can’t have anti inflammatories so just use paracetamol to try and get me through the night. Up every 4 hours when they wear off. Normally not too bad during the day but can rarely get comfortable over night.
Xx. Sandra
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@Pudding the injections last for a few weeks, usually mine about 3 months, unfortunately you can only have 3 or 4 a year in the same joint and the more you have the less effective they become. They couldn’t inject on the side they wanted to as there was no space between the bones to insert the needle so went in from the other side. Strangely enough going in wasn’t too bad the pain came when he withdrew the needle. But it didn’t last long and if it gives me a few weeks of relief it’s worth it. I can’t take anti-inflammatory medication either. He said that I need to have a further X-ray before I can get any further injections. Eventually got back to sleep at 6.30 and woke up every half an hour until 9. Got up and made myself a cup of tea 
and came back to bed so I’m resting my knee. Nothing really to get up for, have got 4 days of nothing now so I’m taking it easy
The days of nothing are endless, aren’t they?
My husband said “ I’ll just go out to cut the grass” and when I wondered why he hadn’t moved round to the front garden I found him already gone. I’d been reading a book. Like you sweep1 there were 5 paramedics who arrived very quickly and made a heroic effort, but I think we all knew it was too late. I will always wonder if he would have survived if I’d gone out earlier. I tried CPR (I’m trained in it) but I knew it wasn’t going to work.And now like everyone else in this community I am trying to navigate my way through the shock and grief of my husband just vanishing from my life after 42 years. It was 10 weeks ago tomorrow. And at the worst time in your life you have to make difficult decisions, and I for one have been thrown into sorting out problems with the house and cars that I never had to deal with before. So I live in a state of panic most of the time wondering what the next problem will be. Being able to share our worries and experiences is the best support I’ve found.
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Constantly worrying if any decision is the right one with the person you would trust the most no longer here. It’s hell isn’t it.
Lost my husband if 50 year 5.5 months ago and still keep thinking he will walk through the door.
Exhausted as I haven’t slept properly since.
I know I am capable. I used to be an IT and Business Consultant advising big corporations and now just a quivering jelly fish second guessing every decision.
All I know is I will get through this. We have to. We have no choice.
Sandra
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Like you, I’ve always been able to deal with responsibility at work, but now I’m floundering with everything. It’s like living in a fog and I don’t trust myself to remember things, to take in information or to tackle even things that should be quite straightforward. I can’t look at the garden far less go in it and I don’t know when I’ll get past that. The garden needs tidied up, he spent so much time making it nice and I feel like I’m letting him down. But his face haunts me when I look at it. I have the same problem as you with sleeping, so the exhaustion makes everything worse.You are right, we just have to get through it, but I could never have imagined that this would be so devastating. I used to think that I could empathise with people who were bereaved but I didn’t really have a clue.
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A quivering jellyfish is a very apt description, Sandra. I have never felt so nervous and worried as I have since losing my dear husband, even over the tiniest thing. There is no doubt that grief is exhausting, but at the same time, it is difficult to have a good night’s sleep. I don’t think my mind can adjust to my new and miserable life, it is just so confused I am never relaxed.
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Hi @Mist2
Like yourself my husband died suddenly aged 63. It has been 5 months and each day is the same as the one before. I have this brsin fog too and sleep comes and goes but somedays i’m exhausted.
The garden also need done too but dont have the energy to tackle.
Im in Scotland too near Edinburgh.
Hope things get better but it will take time.Take care
Lynne
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Thanks Lynne
The next misery to get through for all of us is the festive season.Our anniversary was 4 days after the funeral, his birthday on the 14th Dec and then Christmas and the New Year to contend with. I’m just going to spend it on my own. In normal times I’m a sociable person but I don’t want to put a face on for other people or sit and look at an empty chair at the table. Or am I just not facing up to things?
I’m from South Lanarkshire.
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I have the same awful dates as you except that 14th December is my birthday. We would always have the neighbours round so I intend to do the same this year. Also his brother and his wife are coming down for the weekend. They recognise that I will probably want to be on my own for Christmas and new year and have a commitment to my nephew. My neighbour is going to bring me round a dinner on Christmas Day. We are all going to be suffering in such anniversaries.
Hugs
Sandra
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It’s great that you have a good neighbour Sandra. My neighbours were lovely in the immediate aftermath but I think everyone has gone into hibernation.Although we’ve lived here for many years our working lives meant that we were like ships that passed in the night. A sign of the times I suppose.I’m invited to my brother and sister-in-law but their granddaughter (my great niece) is only 7 and I dread crying in front of her and upsetting her, so less pressure on me just to be on my own. We’ll all manage somehow x
I am very lucky where I live. We are an old fashioned community. All my neighbours support me. One takes my bins to the curb for collection every Sunday and I can ring them any time. The door between my lounge and outside door wouldn’t open when the latch broke and 2 immediately rushed to my aid with tools. It’s been nearly 6 months and unless they move I don’t see it stopping.
To be honest I don’t think I could survive on my own at home without them.
It’s great that you have that support and reassurance.I’m beginning to think that I might have to move house in the future if I can’t get past the bad memories at the moment, but I’d find it scary to not know a soul around me. But decisions like that are way down the line x
The accepted wisdom is not to make any major life decisions until at least a year has passed.
Thanks for your comment my garden has suffered terribly since Rob passed away. I haven’t had the heart to do it. My Rob was full near Edinburgh, But had lived down here for 24 years, but often visited his hometown