Losing siblings

Hi my first time of posting, I lost my eldest brother 7 years ago, we had to clear out his flat before his funeral, he had died there and the settee where he died, plus there was a lot of blood in the bathroom. We, his family had to clean it in a day as the council wanted the flat back. It was quite traumatic and I suffered bad dreams for quite a while after.
then 2 years ago my other brother died of cancer within 2 weeks of being diagnosed.
I was very close to both of them and I feel I haven’t coped well since. I still have both of my parents and want to look after them, they’ve been amazing but I feel it’s been a heavy burden. My middle brother was the one who was the one we all looked up to, very clever and at the top of his profession. There is no grave, his wife intends to spread his ashes in 2 places. She hasn’t asked if I would like any little possessions of his.
I still have bouts of crying uncontrolled, I have pushed people away and feel sometimes very lonely, even though I have a husband and 2 children.
I feel angry and at times have wanted just to leave but will never as I know my parents need me.
How does everyone not get over but maybe learn to cope? I know that one day I will lose my parents, I just want to know I will be strong enough to cope.

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Dear SarahB73

Welcome to the Online Community. We are here to support you. I am sorry for your loss. You have been through so much and need time to grieve and take one day at a time. The way you are feeling is perfectly normal. Grief throws up so many emotions from tears, resentment to anger. It is all part of the grieving process. You have had a lot to deal with and grief has no time limits. Please be gentle on yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. Have you chatted to your husband and told him how you feel? It may help. Each day you will get stronger and you will cope, it does not mean you will forget your loved ones. Grieving just takes time. Take care. xx