Hi,
I wanted to come onto this knowing I would be heard and hopefully to let people going through the same thing know that they are not alone. 2024 was the most difficult year in my life.
In January I suddenly lost my grandad, this was a surprise to everyone as he showed no signs to us that anything like this was going to happen and my grandparents were away at the time so we were just all in shock. I didn’t really get to see my grandad as much as I liked because he lived so far away from us but we all still had a great relationship with him and this really did hurt us so much. We had so many questions as to how this even happened and little did we know he had silent heart disease. This was the first ever grandparent I had lost and was utterly heartbroken and I still am, I hads so many thoughts running through my head “why did I stop video calling them so much” “why did they have to go away” “why were there no signs of this” “could he have been saved?” “I wish we had the same memories with him that my cousins had” etc… I was driving myself insane with all of these questions that were never going to be answered nor bring him back.
My grandad was an amazing man, he wouldv’e done anything for his family. he did activities that not all grandads are able to do like go to theme parks, ice skating, roller skating, paddle boarding and so much more. you can probably see why we were so in shock as this man just never showed us any weakness. my grandad loved my nan with all of his heart, when he used to come and visit us while he was working in the lorry he would always talk about how much he loved his wife, and still to this day I wish I have that same relationship with my partner (thankfully I think I have found that) this was the first that genuinely brought me so much pain and confusion.
again sadly in September 2 days before my birthday I lost my nan on my other side fo the family, she was struggling with dementia which she had for a few years anyways but it was getting to the point she couldn’t even string out a sentence however she never failed to tell me how beautiful my newborn son was as I had not long just had my first baby. My nan was my best friend growing up, she spoiled me rotten, took me everywhere and anywhere she could, we had sleepovers, she told me every story she had from when she was growing up and I just loved listening to her,she supported me when I was struggling in school, She supported me when I just needed a hug. She loved me so much and I adored her. It was hard watching her over the years change to a quiet lady who wanted to say so much but her brain just wouldn’t let her. I think after some time she just gave up and she was simply just refusing to eat and drink water and unfortanetly with the lack of support she had with her doctor I think that just made it worse. it came to the point she was put on end of life care and after a week she sadly passed away but I know shes no longer in pain and not having to struggle to be her self.
losing my nan who had been there for me for the last 20 years knowing she would’ve loved to watch my son grow up, knowing she would’ve been the first on the dance floor at my wedding twirling me around to dancing queen, just killed me.
I’m forever hurt and it does get me down at the worst of times, I really really miss her.
I sometimes don’t know how to live on without both of these granparents who I loved dearly and sometimes I do. its okay to feel this way and I wish I had ways to cope with but sadly I struggle in that aspect in all honesty my son and partner are the ones who keep me going.
thank you for reading and whoever you are just know i’m only a message away if you need someone to talk to