Hi, this is my first time on here because I’m feeling desperately in pain .
I usually talk to friends or a counsellor but mostly only been showing friends the up side of me, afraid they may reject my grief or be unable to be with me. I don’t have a close relationship with my mother and my disabled father died 8 years ago .
Since December 31st my uncle got taken into hospital and never came back out, I video called him daily he was a very vibrant one of a kind loving person, he was taken by Covid on 12th February funeral was 12th April last week. His house was the safe house in my life since a small child next door to my mums.
His wife was my dads sister and he was my mums brother , I lost my auntie in 2010 they were both like parents to me the ones who kept me safe and loved held in high regard, opposing my abusive childhood. Even though I was separated from them whilst living next door .
I also lost my cousin to suicide when I was 19 who I was so close with, he was my soul mate.
Just before my uncles funeral last week I got news that my mother in law has only a few months left to live, she is so very special to me but I haven’t seen for a few years because she has been unreachable but have been longing and yearning to have her back in my life with my daughter who I am a single parent to.
There is a constant 24/7 pain in my heart
so deep and intense I don’t know where to go with it I feel invisible to others, only showing the surface.
It’s a second shock wave on top of the first one and all the previous ones. I can’t see an end to it
It feels unacceptable
All of these people are being taken away from mine and daughters lives too young in such tragic ways .
I have always been the strong one in these situations the giver and the healer who holds everyone else.