Losing wife

Coping with bereavement
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Hi I lost my darling Frances on 30 may I. Held her. Hands as she passed away and although she was robbed of speech she managed a croacky love.
I am absolute shattered we were married 55years less 13 days s
Frances was my whole life and I don’t know if I can carry on I want to be with her I cannot stop crying. We have two children both in there fifties and even now I am trying to protecte them as they lost their mum.
Any advise please the pain is unbearable.
At the moment I cannot cope
.

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Hello @Carl2242,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your wife. Many of our members have experienced the loss of their partner and can understand what you are going through.

You mention that you’re struggling to cope. Your loss is so very recent and you may be experiencing symptoms of grief. It is natural to want to protect your children, but it’s also really important that you get help and support if you are feeling that the pain is unbearable. You might want to make an appointment with your GP to talk about things which might help you right now.

You may also find the following Sue Ryder resources helpful:

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please do keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Seaneen

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Carl so sorry for your loss. My wife passed away on April 29th, we were married for 26 years and she was my life. I have struggled since but I believe that Carole would want me to carry on, I need to believe this.
I hope at some stage I can look back and smile at the beautiful memories I have of her, I hope you can do the same with Frances.
Have you tried any counselling, just to be able to say to someone how you feel might help in some small way, it helped me think a little clearer.
I have also been to a medium and a hypnotist because as with you the pain and heartache is unbearable, I just needed to try and find some release from all my emotions. I think each have helped to some degree. This board is also a place you can express yourself openly because unfortunately we are all suffering this horrific pain but we can also help each other.
Hope at some point in your life you can be at peace and smile with thoughts of your Frances.
Sending love
Joe x

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There WILL be a point in your life you do find peace & learn to smile again - -
just not at the moment as everything is too raw.
I’m sure your adult children will support you if you open up to them - - our children are younger than yours but I am so proud. (Their dad would have been too) when they stepped up to arrange things, made calls did what was needed.

One day at a time -
G. X

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Carl I promise you this will ease, day by day it eases .

The absolute love of my life and soulmate died 30/5 and already small wins for me are I don’t sob most of the day now .

Losing your love is the worst grief a person will EVER feel and you will think this despair will be around forever but don’t let it ok, my Mandy wanted me to live and love again, she told me 4 months before she died what she wanted for me .

The hurt is incredible, the love will never end but embrace the good times , cry and know that over time you will have a life , not one you chose but go make it a one where your wife would smile , I’m going to.

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Thanks for everyone’s reply. I am glad to read the messages. My love for Frances seems to have broken my heart into a million pieces I am very scared of living without her guidance and love, I miss her touch and helping her through the day. It seems so in fair.

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The love of my life pass away at the end may. I went down the town yesterday on my own but found it hard. I broke down in the bank so came home. The tears are drying up but feel guilty that they are , that I am forgetting my love. I also feel guilty that I have been talking to one of her girl friends online she has been a comfort to me as she knew my love from teenagers. That I am talking to another woman makes me feel very embarrassed that I am disrespectful to my Frances memory

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I am just about to turn in, I have been waking up at 2 in the morning turning things in my head ending up crying the rest of the night. Has any one got a solution for this that does not allow medication, which I hate taking. Thanks

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Hi Carl, so sorry to hear about Frances. My Carole passed away on April 29th, the pure agony at that time is indescribable.
I slept on the settee for a month but with the help of a hypnotist and counselling I now am back upstairs.
I have been using an audio which has enabled me to get my sleep back on track, I do wake up but just play it again and it sends me back to sleep. Having a decent kip has made so much difference to me as it allows my brain to process things and work it’s wonders.
This has then helped me during the day and reduced my anxiety, emotions and loss.
I understand the guilt feelings, I found myself singing along to our favourite song “Angel of the morning,” then realised what I was doing and felt bad for feeling a moment of peace.
Talking to someone who knew your Frances well is a lovely thing I believe, you can share memories with someone who knew her, take happiness in the love you had.
I love to think my wife is watching me and i have had a few strange happenings in the house which in my mind is my Ca’ telling me she is around.
I hope you find some peace, the emotions we feel are a natural part of grieving (so I’m told, ) I am trying to be positive and it is working to an extent, just taking things day by day and trying not to be critical of myself.
Joe x

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Thank you Joe for that post, I must find a way to sleep, I tried various things but my mind is in a mess.
I think your “not to be critical of myself” advice is very good. Thanks again

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I think not being critical or overthinking - easier said than done - otherwise thoughts can get blown out of proportion.
Lack of sleep can magnify thoughts too.
Apologies if I’m not helping any. :thinking:

G. X

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Thanks for your post for me in the context of time, Frances and I were married for 54 years and my lost is only just over a month ago I must not worry and let it take its course.

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It is 59 days now since my darling Frances has pass away. The grief is just getting worst. Every time I move around the house I see an object and the tears flow
I open a cupboard see her shoes and waves of tears come flooding out. It does not ease, married for 55 years the final 3 years looking after her were hard but at least she was present. Can not see away through this.

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The grief that I feel for Frances is increasing. I don’t seem to progress from one day to the next I cannot see a future in being alone, I know Frances would want me to move on with my life, but without her life is meaningless. It just seem pointless in carrying on

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My husband passed unexpectedly 18months ago, We were together 50years…
Things do get easier & more manageable
I try to plan to do something each day - regardless of how mundane it is otherwise it’s too easy to sit & mope.

I’ve often said if roles were reversed, I wouldn’t want grief to consume him & so I’m trying to do my best for him. Finding the “man jobs” hard tho.

Grateful for the time we had together & I try not to dwell on what I don’t have now.

Distraction is key.

G. X

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Hi Carl welcome to the community. I lost my wife, friend, rock and accountant. We were married 45yrs and it was love at first site for me. She had a few things health wise from about year 5. She was such a strong woman mentally she had 2 quadruple heart bypass operations. I miss her terribly it’s nearly 3yrs since she passed never a day goes past without me looking at photo that’s on the fridge door and tell her I love her. I found taking up another interest something that my wife wouldn’t like I took up playing guitar. And I found that helped with my mental health. Brian

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Since my wife of 55 years died end of may my mood is still bring the tears every morning and evening. I have tried to go out. Even took a small holiday but the loneliness was even worst and the crying kept coming. I know that people say you learn to cope but I am not optimistic that I ever will.