Losing your family

I have suffered a lot of loss, and I am having a hard time dealing with it lately.

In 2019, my dad passed away due to fault of the hospital. He was in rehab recovering from brain surgery to remove some cancer. The surgery was successful, but he was a fall risk. Unfortunately he was left alone and fell, causing brain damage that killed him.

In 2021, my sister committed suicide. Though some people believe it wasn’t, but thats a long story.

In December of 2023, my mom passed away, caused by hypoglycemia. She had been suffering for a very long time and the doctors believed she has injected way too much insulin which caused the hypoglycemia to occur. She was adamant prior to this that she wouldn’t be here for Christmas, but I didn’t think she meant that she was planning on no longer living.

I hold so many regrets for all three of their deaths and it eats away at me every day. Losing my mom was the icing on the top. I can’t fall asleep unless i think of horrible scenarios. If i try to think happy positive thoughts, i dont feel tired and feel like I could lie away forever. But the second I start thinking negative thoughts, i fall asleep with ease. I miss them all so much, and I wish i could feel them here with me or see signs, i hate that I dont. I don’t know how to get through life without my entire family.

1 Like

Hi @Siouxzee,
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through so much loss. I can see there’s a lot to process here, all I can say is take it one day at a time, maybe try to break it all down into manageable chunks, some people keep a diary, myself including, but I’ve also recently started to do a recorded bereavement Diary as well. Have you considered grief counselling? Or do you at least have other family or friends who can support you? It also might be helpful to see if there’s a bereavement group in your area. Gladly there are always people on this forum to talk to, & have always found it helpful, message as often as you need.
The sleep thing is a curious one :thinking:, happy thoughts keep you awake, yet sleeping easily with bad thoughts, you mentioned you have regrets about there deaths, I wander if this is your mind or subconscious reacting to those feelings of regret? Sending hugs of support.

1 Like

Hi @Siouxzee

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your dad, sister and mom that brings you here.

I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out on this community and know you are not alone.

Take care,

Sue Ryder Online Community team