Loss and coping mechanisms

I am finding that it is getting harder to cope without my husband. It is now5 months and I haven’t really cried. Does anyone else feel like this? X

hi Mariongran,

so sorry to hear of your loss.

personally i have not experienced the “not crying” phase when I lost my Dad…but you must be kind and gentle with yourself and know that each of us deal with grief in our own way. there is no right or wrong way to grieve nor there is a time limit or is it ever a “competition”.

have a read at the link below and i hope you can find something useful


I’m sorry to read of your distress. I lost my Husband 21 weeks ago. I personally did and do cry. You don’t have to cry to be in immense pain it just means that your body can’t release the stress if you aren’t able to. I can understand that it feels harder to cope without your Husband as the reality of our lives reinforces itself with each day that passes, more memories start popping up and the “what could and should have been” scenarios play on your mind. Do you think you may be depressed? I am struggling with the reality more as time goes by as well so I am really sorry I can’t be more positive for but I do offer my heartfelt empathy, warmest regards. Tina

Many thanks for your empathetic words. Marion x

HI Marion I agree with Tina. My husband died five weeks ago and I have cried loads. People cope in their own way. I also feel that as the weeks go on I want to go further into my bubble or tunnel than I was before. Sorting out bills today again and I find myself crying afterwards because I have changed the name from the both us to just me. I still say us and not me. I was crying on the telephone to my dad before and I could not stop and he said that I sounded quite okay this morning. Grief is a multitude of feelings which everyone feels differently but we are all hurting. I hate the idea of living without my husband and I know different events are going to hit us really hard especially my daughter’s wedding in April. I am off work with leave at the moment but all I do is feel so tired all the time because I also think this process drains you of any get up and go. Maybe when I go back to work in March that might change because it is a different atmosphere to home where all the memories are although I am hoping to go down from 5 days to 4 days because I cannot take the stress of the job like I did before. My husband always said to me I worked too hard but after he died at 63 when we had all our dreams and plans for retirement and I know he is right. As my daughter said that is what life is all about unfortunately but it does not make it any easier and I cannot see me getting over the death of my husband for quite a number of years if ever until we meet again. Like, Tina, I am sorry I cannot be more optimistic but my heart goes out to you. Our family is changed forever. My sympathies are with you x

My heart goes out to all those who are struggling with the loss of their loved one. I knew that losing my mum would be hard but no one told me that it would be this hard. It’s just over a month now since she passed away and it doesn’t get easier. A deeper reality that I will never see her again hits me day by day and sometimes the pain is unbearable. Darling mum was 95 and this should make it easier but she was the most important person in my life, gave me all I am, and was my rock even when so frail at the end. I am scared of plummeting further and need to find a coping strategy every day to get me through the next few hours. It helps to go out and meet others. I try and keep busy without denying my loss. I tell myself that the feelings are normal and will pass. I have found a bereavement support group where we are all struggling with our personal issues. It helps to connect.,but it it still hurts so much.