This is so true. Some days I seem to navigate through better than others, some are so heavy I feel like I am drowning in sadness and well we all are aren’t we in truth! I know for me it is early days, but I just don’t want to live this life without Andrew in it. I will obviously, I have too, but feel it’s so unfair we all are living this path! I am so glad to have found this community, one none of us want to be part of it gets me through the long nights. I truly hope and pray life is kinder to us on this awful journey we call our life now. X 
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Sending all my love
Stay strong
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Thank you- you too x
You are strong and have been through so much. Take it one day or sometimes even one hour at a time. Time is your friend now.
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I’m so sorry @Redveg . I know something of the journey you’ve had - cancer followed by treatment followed by hope and a period of remission and then one thing after another goes wrong and you hope that this time again your loved one will triumph and then suddenly it is over. I can’t remember who said this, but the comment was made, it’s not the disappointment that kills you but the hope - and my God isn’t that the truth. You hope as I did that this time again your loved one will pull through, but eventually they can’t and don’t. You are now at the stage where your grief will be the absolute rawest. I’m not going to lie this is awful, but do what you need to do. Cry when you need to cry and don’t let a living soul tell you how you should feel and ought to behave - whatever you feel and do is right because it’s right for you. Sending you a huge hug from someone who was where you are five months ago.
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@Lin22 it true we are broken hearted . Time doesn’t mean anything. I have had to build some life but it’s hollow compared to the one I had with Andrew
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Hi
I get what you mean about time bieng our friend but why does it have to.go so slowly when you are together all.loved up and enjoying life time passes so quickly and you never realise that then they are gone and all you have left is time to much time ,time to think about all of what you and and what you dont have now and there’s the pain a pain you have never had before a pain you have never experienced before and all the time to.think about all of it this is the time i am not liking at all bieng on my own makes it so hard 
Sarah
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So true. I am hating being on my own. I don’t lack friends but nothing makes up for not having the love of your life with you. But we plod on because what else is there to do? Xxxx
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Hi Joany
I hate this loniness I do lack friends but I dont think they would help make me miss him less this is such a horrible road to be on and with no one to help you it is even more lonier I miss him so much it hurts ever day
Sarah
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Hi Sarah Friends keep you busy but when you’re finished doing whatever activity with them it’s back to the down times. No point in saying otherwise! Usually they’re during the day too and it’s actually evenings that are hardest for me (plus the almost daily morning cry) I volunteer a couple of places. That’s nice because people don’t know you so don’t ask how you are which is kind of good because you don’t want to say terrible!! I’ve joined a Spanish class once a week. No one knows me or my loss so that helps for a couple of hours. Nothing replaces the 1:1 times with my husband though and sadly I’m expecting nothing will. 5 months so far…. Keep going the best you can. Thinking of you xxx
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Hi Joanny
I wish I could have volunteered somewhere but with the arthritis and fibromyalgia in my back I am struggling with walking and that alone is getting me down wish I was more fitter this part of my life without paul is so hard I try to cope
Sarah
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@wilderness it’s just the same for me . It’s nearly 3 years since I lost my 58 yrs old husband . Life is so different now I keep busy but he’s never out of my mind . He was amazing and I was lucky to have such love
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Hi Jol How lovely to hear you’re able to reflect on the amazing years you had. I had 50+ great years with my husband. We met at school! At the moment I’m finding it hard to think wow wasn’t I lucky to have that time (I was!) without getter upset that there won’t be more wonderful years. My friend who lost her husband 6 years ago says although she still misses him so much, she can think much more positively on their time together. 
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@Joanny i can only think fondly of him but my heart aches so much for him still . I know I will be with him again one day and that is a great comfort to me . I’m glad you had 50 years . I had 30 x
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Hi Jol, I think it is important to concentrate on how lucky we have been. My wife died on Christmas day after two years of cancer. I saw my beautiful wife walking in London, I was eighteen and I chased her back to her home in northern Spain. I have been lucky to have been married to my sweet wife for almost 40 years . I find concentrating on how fortunate I’ve been helpful. I also spend a lot of time walking and I look for something beautiful every day which I can share with her. These little things have helped me overcome some of the pain and loneliness. I still have a long way to go but time alone doesn’t help.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Lovely sentiments Brandon
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This is the most lovely story of meeting someone.
Im so sorry for your loss.
Im dealing with the loss of my 11 year old. I miss him so much. Its been nearly 6 months and feels so raw. Got to paint on a smile for his brother but this is tough
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Dear Kater I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. I can’t imagine how you are dealing with it all. I imagine you are all grieving in different ways and to be worrying about all that plus dealing with your own grief must be so difficult. I always remember my cousin who spent his whole life with cancer and died at seven. It was so difficult for my aunt to try and keep all the family together while suffering so much herself. I hope you are getting plenty of support that you need now.
Wishing you all the strength you need
All the best
Tom 
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Hi Tom @Brandon1
I’m so sorry that your lovely wife has died. I lost my wonderful mother at the very end of last October and like you, one of the very few things that helps even a little bit is walks in nature. By happenstance I was also advised by my lovely godmother to try and find something beautiful on every walk whether it’s a feather a stone or a leaf and bring it home and cherish it. I talk to my mother frequently on these walks and tell her about what I’m seeing and what has been happening (something I always did before) and it’s one of the very few things that helps. I’ve tried too to look on the bright side - that I genuinely did have a wonderful mother who became my best friend as well and that I had her for 58 years - but I don’t find looking on the positive really works for me yet. I will keep trying. I know how lucky I have been but it reminds me of the extent of the loss. I do better on trying to rejoice in a sunny day, someone who is kind to me ( like the shopkeeper who hugged me yesterday when I went back into her shop - one of my mother’s favourite shops - for the first time and couldn’t quite control my emotions) or our beautiful garden. My mother did absolutely everything to ensure I had a good life and I need to find a way through so as not to waste her care. I’m not sure what the way will be yet, but I’m going to keep going.
I’m particularly low today for some reason - possibly because yesterday I discovered that something my beloved father did before he died nearly 50 years ago has carried down through the years and benefited me now meaning I shouldn’t have to give up my home to the taxman. That is a huge relief, but if going through this has meant anything it has shown how little money matters in comparison with the loss of a loved one. All of that said I will rejoice in knowing I can keep my home because the loss of that on top of everything else would’ve been more than I could bear. And I will try to rejoice in the reminder that both my parents loved me very much and both did all they could to care for me. It’s tough this - thanks so much for posting. J
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Hi kater, I’m so sorry for you and your son, after the terrible loss of your other son. There really is no pain worse. I lost my 2year old over 30 years ago and I still think about him every day. Tragically we had a house fire. My husband was badly injured trying to reach him and spent a long time in hospital. Recently I lost my lovely husband. The kind and incredibly brave man I shared almost 40 years with. Carrying on for your other son is exactly what got me through. I had to put our life and family back together and that got me through. Having said that I eventually had a small breakdown almost 12 months later. I hadn’t allowed myself to grieve and it caught up with me. Eventually with counselling I came out the other side. 6 months on from my husband’s death I understand how important it is to allow those emotions to flow. I’m trying to carry on with life, albeit a different one I hoped for. The reason I’m sharing this with you is to show how important it is to allow yourself to grieve and show your son that it’s okay to be sad and angry and all the other emotions we go through on this terrible journey none of us want to be on. Please take care of yourself. Grief is very personal and everyone deals with it differently. Lots of good advice here and my heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you all 
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