Hi there so my mum passed away a year and half ago right before Christmas , my mum beat cancer once after a massive operation but got it back in a more aggressive form the docs said was very rare and hadn’t seen before , which left my mum in a lot of pain with cancer growing on the out side of her body , the cancer formed a lymphoedema of the arm which ment the arm couldn’t be moved away from her body , the arm ended up bigger than her 
, I was her main carer and did everything till the end , I’ve felt exhausted for all this time after still… This time of year is very hard … I still now get new memories of the trauma , like my brain has blocked stuff out to protect me , as It was so hard to watch , the docs couldn’t get her pain under control, 2 drivers , lots of meds etc and still screaming pain daily … My mum was only 64 and my 38 , I’m jealous of my friends for still having well mums , me and my mum were so so close … I miss her and the world seems a little empty, I don’t seem to find the enjoyment in others like I did with her .
I no there will be good days again and I do get good days , but today seems very hard …I will always need her !.
Something about having a mun still on this earth makes you feel safe … I haven’t felt safe since she’s left me .
Hello @Emma06 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling like the world seems a little empty and different. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and the trauma you experienced. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
I’m so sorry. It’s 6 months tomorrow since I list my mum. I’m 57 and she was 94 so a lot older than you but it still really hurts and feels impossible she’s not here. You will never forget your love but it will get easier to live with eventually I hope. X
You have endured great trauma and it will take time and maybe you will need help to process it. You can take such solace that you were with her all the way and cared for her with love, you gave everything she knew that and would want you to heal now.
She will always be with you, you sound like a wonderful compassionate person take her on your journey and flourish that is what she would want more than anything.