loss of 2 uncle in lockdown

My beautiful uncle …my brother basically my big beautiful uncle nigel was taken into hospital at the age of 55 and died in the start of the pandemic we couldn’t visit him on his last days we could pray with him or hold his hand …he died without us he was taken to a funeral home without us we couldn’t see him one last time …he had no funeral no one to hold his coffin no song played we couldnt attend a service he was alone when he was cremated and he would of understood but I dont understand iv not said goodbye !!! And now another uncle another of my moms brothers died he was 59 to cancer none of us knew about but we can grieve for uncle Colin as we can as a family be together I feel guilty over crying as my tears are not just for him im going to his funeral but didn’t say goodbye to my other uncle I feel weve moved on from my 1st uncle …i can’t sleep unless I fight to sleep I cry every night every conversation I’m crying I cant talk no more as I’m scared ill break down we haven’t gone through grief as everyone else does because covid stopped us …iv only ever loaded my nanny 13 years ago iv not dealt with such a loss as my uncle he meant the world to us all and somehow he’s forgotten I can’t move on till we say goodbye properly my heart burns for him

Hi, so sorry to hear about your uncle Nigel. My dad died alone, we could not be with him, and like many others, there was no proper funeral. Sadly this has been the reality for many people over the past few months. I can understand how you feel upset that everyone seems to have moved on to grieving about the second uncle, and that he will get a funeral like your first uncle didn’t, but that isn’t your fault or anyone else’s. And how can your first uncle have been forgotten when you’re here writing about him? You clearly have not forgotten him at all, and he would be so proud of you.

If you’re crying daily, then it might be a good idea to book yourself some free bereavement counselling. You can do this by contacting Cruse or Sue Ryder - they have specialists who can offer some help.

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Hi Emma, yes I do agree with Abdullah about counselling, I think it is worth a try. You do seem to be have a rubbish time right now and believe me no one will have forgotten your uncle Nigel, it’s just that they are so busy and the whole world seems up side down. Life will improve but it all takes time and everyday seems to be a struggle, an uphill road but it will improve. Please think about help, I know there’s a waiting time but just making the move may help you. Please take care of yourself, it’s very important right now. Bless you. S

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Thankyou both for replying to me …even reading these messages are making me cry I feel a proper face to face conversation isn’t going to help because I cry straight away so messages are helping right now thankyou both x

Emma, it’s fine to keep posting or writing it in a personal book, just to write in not to look back on. When I went to counselling I just cried for most of the time but but by little bit I got better, o.k. I can still cry. I hope things improve for you. Take care.

Yes, Emma, as Susie says crying is quite normal during counselling, but if you don’t feel you’re ready for it yet, then you should wait. Cruse do their counselling over the phone and Sue Ryder over video chat, and both their counsellors would understand if you did cry. In the meantime, I am glad you are finding it helpful here, keep posting.

Hi. Emma. You have no need to worry whatsoever about crying in front of a counsellor. If I had a pound for every person, men and women, who cried while counselling I would be very rich. No counsellor will ever be embarrassed or upset by you crying.
Counselling so often helps because the counsellor can be a means of unloading some of the burden to someone who understands. You can do it here, but so often questions need to be asked that would not be appropriate on a website. Trust is so important in counselling. Trust has to be established and it may take several sessions to do that. Catholics have the confessional, although not the same as counselling, it does have one thing in common, unloading a burden that is worrying us. Trying to make some sense out of what has happened. There may seem no point or purpose in any of it, and that feeling can lead to that awful emotion, despair. There may well be a point and a purpose but it’s not the right moment to talk about it. Your wounds are still raw.
Take care all. John.

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