I came across this online community and thought it might be helpful for me to hear that I’m not alone in my grief.
One of my friends died 5 months ago now from a suspected drug overdose, none of even knew he had a drug problem so that was a shock in itself and I guess we might never know if it was intentional or not which makes it worse for me. We were good friends for a number of years then drifted apart as his personality began to change (makes sense now more than it ever did before) and he travelled, we moved and so on, the usual life stuff.
He was a fantastic person and an even more fantastic friend to me for nearly 10 years. You wouldn’t have found a more caring and kind person if you tried, he would have done anything for anyone and always put a smile on your face even if he was struggling himself. He supported me through my first break up and was the person who actually told me about my ex cheating on me so I will always be grateful for that. However, during his life I told him I wish he’d told me sooner about it and I now cant help but feel guilty for that. I also feel guilty that I didn’t reach out to him more recently and we hadn’t spoken in close to a year when he died, of course I didn’t know he was going to die but if I had I’d definitely have tried to speak to him and help him if I could. I wish I’d had the opportunity to speak to him and make sure he knew I was there for him, though I hope he did know that anyways and I wish I’d somehow had the opportunity to try and stop this from happening.
He was only 29 and I’m just finding it so incredibly hard to get my head around and to not be upset most days in some way about it. I can’t help but think that his life has just stopped at 29 and that he’ll never experience any of the good things that he had to come in life if it had continued. It’s just such a shame and it’s so sad it ended this way for him and I’m struggling to deal with the fact he’s gone forever and I’ll never get to speak to him ever again. And I feel guilty about some of the times I wasn’t very supportive towards him when he wasn’t quite himself because I didn’t know about the drugs or the effect they were having.
Not sure if anyone is in a similar situation and can share any thoughts or things that have helped. I am considering grief counselling but I don’t want to take away from people who have lost parents, children and so on. I just want to be able to focus on the good times we had during the years we were friends and not being focusing so much on what I feel I did wrong or I feel guilty for.
It’s not exactly related but another of my friends got engaged at the start of the year and didn’t let me know and I found out that the wedding has been booked for a month and I haven’t been invited or even told about it. I feel so upset about it and I just can’t understand why someone would do that when they are supposed to be a friend. I think I’ve had a worse reaction to it due to the grief I’m experiencing though and this friend hasn’t once asked how I am since my friend died either. I have always been there for her and it just feels really hurtful. We’ve also been friends for about 10 years which obviously ended when I found out about this engagement.
It feels good to write it all down so that’s a start I guess.