It’s been 3.5 months since I lost my husband Steve, he was my rock, my everything, people say he is with you in spirit, times a great healer, you are a strong person, all these things people say, it still hurts like crazy, I feel so sad, lonely, although I have four wonderful grown up children and grandchildren, and some lovely friends, but nothing or no one can take away the heart ache, the pain, the gut wrenching reality when you wake up in the morning, is it real, he isn’t here he really has gone and not coming back.
He was a larger than life man with so much character, the house is so quiet, the bed is empty, it’s a really lonely experience, does it get any better further on down the line, that’s without all that comes with losing your spouse, you are on your own now to pick up the pieces, two dogs whom miss him so much, need walking it’s not the same on your own, a camper van still sitting in our drive, which even if I wanted to keep I wouldn’t be able to afford it, we had such good times in the camper, so everything is on your own now, can’t even sneeze and get a bless you ( as he always would say) or “want a cuppa” “what you want for tea tonight” “can you feed the dogs please love” it’s just a sad lonely existence 🥲 sorry for running in I only joined here about an hour ago, so glad I found you all 
Hello @Mollymayson,
I can hear the heartbreak that you are suffering and I am so sorry that this dreadful thing has happened to you.
I remember the feelings you are describing very well and really wish I could comfort you. I found that no matter what people said it never made any difference to the way I felt, no one can understand the devastation unless they have lived through it too.
You will find understanding here and you can pour all those feelings out, I hope it helps you.
It’s early days for you so be gentle, don’t put pressure on yourself. 
Awww thank you so much Daisy I am so glad I found you/this community, I don’t feel so alone, and feel like you all understand, where as my family/friends don’t, as lovely and wonderful as they are, they just don’t get it bless them.
Did you lose your husband Daisy? Sorry I only just joined and haven’t got to know you all here as yet xxx
Yes, Mollymason. My dear husband died five years ago, just before Valentine’s Day and our wedding anniversary.
We were married very young and had 52 wonderful years of marriage. I never once imagined that I would have to live alone without him.
I can’t tell you how utterly lonely I have been without him which is why I can understand, at least in some ways, why you are in so much pain.
It’s good that you are here, although all of us would rather still be with our loved ones I’m sure, being here has helped me a lot and I hope you find the same love and support that I have found.
I lost my husband almost a year ago and I still can’t believe it, I’m completely lost without him and some days I really do t want to be here any more. I’ve got two wonderful children and a beloved dog and they’re the only reason I’m still fighting on but God it’s so diffucult, nobody understands the pain of every minute of every day, I feel my whole future has been ripped away and can’t stop running through every minute of every day if the last six weeks when he was in hospital , how frightened he was and how chaotic it all was abd I’m questioning every decision I made, I just wants some peace in my head for a while !
Hello @Vicky6
Believing that we are left alone is one of the hardest parts of everything we go through on this painful journey. I often find myself asking the air…”How can you be gone?”
I never get an answer and I still find it difficult to believe that this life I have now is real.
I feel for you Vicky. Please stay with us here, sometimes reading about how other people are going through this can help as we all try to adjust to this new life we didn’t want.
My husband (Steve) died in January and reading your post was like reading all the thoughts that are in my head. I miss him so much and it’s the little things that hurt the most, him asking how my day has been, the texts tasking what time I will be home. I truly feel like I am going mad, as my brain just isn’t working. Everyone elses life is continuing and I just want to scream and shout because my life feels as though it has stopped.
Hello
Mollymayson I am so so sorry for your loss
I am sat here alone after a hard day at work crying after reading your post
Life is just not fair
I loss my husband 4 years ago out of the blue
And just like you after all this time I sometimes want to just give up
What is the point of life now
The person that you have loved so much is not here to share your life with
I thought after all this time it would be easier
You do learn to cope you have to
You learn how to hide your feelings around friends and family
But when your on your own the flood gates just open
I sincerely hope it does get easier for you
Sending my love
I’m sitting here reading your post and I could have wrote it myself, it sums up my own feelings. My husband died suddenly in January - we had been together for 32 years.
I have lots of good friends and family around me but they don’t fill the loneliness. The quiet in the house is a thing I struggle with. The days feel like an eternity.
I understand your comments about the things you have responsibility for - now by yourself. These things - house, pets, garden etc, weigh on me as I feel I can’t do it all alone.
I wish you well and hope knowing others understand will comfort you.
I can only echo everything you say. I feel all of the things you describe. My husband died 2 months ago and I am barely functioning. Maybe we can all
support each other through these dark days
I expect we miss different things about losing our husbands.
For me it’s the quiet times when we just used to sit and read and the quiet few minutes as we drifted into sleep at night when all you can hear is the beautiful steady breathing that comes just before sleeping. Sharing a meal together after a day at work when all you really need is to satisfy the hunger in the peace of loving companionship of your beloved. These are just a few of the many things I miss now that my dear husband is no longer alive and sitting beside me.
I also share all your feelings. I lost my husband nearly 2 years ago, we had been married 42 years and like all of you there isn’t a day goes by when I don’t miss him so much. I can still hear his voice in my head and I know exactly what he would have said in any situation. I still seem to find myself thinking of him in any, no the many. quiet times alone.
I have the support of family and friends and some days I can enjoy but then I go home and wish I could tell him.
All I can say is we were the lucky ones to have had such love in our lives. Would we change anything to make our grieving less? I wouldn’t, he was my rock.
Love to all of you, let’s do this together! X
Mollymayson apart from the four children ( as I only have two) it was like reading my own story I get all your feelings and I feel exactly the same . I’m 19 months on this hell of a journey and I. Sorry to say it,doesn’t get any better but you do learn to live with it and I suppose as much as we don’t want to we accept it I suppose because we have to.
I totally understand this lonely thing and doing everything solo . Now my life consists of looking after the grand children ( in school holidays) looking after our dogs, going to work , pottering in the house if I want to , this is my life day in day out . I don’t go out dancing anymore , I don’t have days out anymore , meals out , nothing and I know all these things are down to me but do I really want to do them on my own and the answer is no thank you .
It is very hard and I know for sure if it wasn’t for my two children and two grandchildren I wouldn’t be here today they have given me the strength to carry on
Take care keep chatting