Hello. My husband of 42 years passed away 5 weeks ago today. I was his carer for the last 5 years and we were shielding throughout COVID and never really went out again after that as he was considered high risk. He was my whole world. I am trying to keep busy but now I have done most of the paperwork I am at a loss. I’m trying to stay positive but I miss him so much. My chest actually feels hollow like a part of me is missing. He has a son to his first marriage and he has been very supportive. I have a sister who has also been very supportive. But when they go home I am at home alone again and I crumble. I know grief never goes away and I must learn to manage it but it is just so very difficult
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I’m so sorry for your loss @SheShe
You have done the right thing by posting here.
Everyone here understands what you are going through. We are all going through it too. We are all at different stages and listen to and support each other.
It really does help. It has got me through some very dark times.
Please don’t be afraid to say how you’re feeling, no one here will judge you.
Sending you a big hug
X x
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Hi @SheShe - this is the hardest thing you will ever need to do and at the moment the pain of losing him will feel like a physical pain as you describe.
Just take life a day at a time at the moment. Be kind to yourself and try look after yourself too.
We all need to learn how to manage the grief and keep going with all this loss in our hearts, that will take time , and maybe a bit of hard work down the line.
I don’t yet know how to live with this pain but just have to keep getting up every day to walk the dog and for my kids.
Keep posting here if it helps as there are always people who feel the same and can offer some true understanding and support.
Sending some strength and a virtual hug xx
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Thank you. I will try. xx
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Thank you xx
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So sorry for your loss of your dear husband . I too shielded with my husband for nearly five years. We got brave and went for a coffee as he was tired of being indoors . He caught pneumonia. Ended up in hospital where he went on the develop a hospital acquired pneumonia . He then got sepsis and covid. I am devasted . Wish we had never gone out
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Hello Marshmallow. So sorry to hear about your very tragic loss. I can feel your pain. I can understand why your husband was tired of being indoors and needed to go out. There is a limited to how much isolation a person can stand. Fate can be very cruel. I hope you don’t blame yourself. It was what he wanted to do probably for his own sanity.
COVID put an end to our lives as we had known it before. Shielding was vey difficult and I was afraid I would bring germs back home with me if I went out alone. I can’t blame COVID for the death of my husband but I can blame it for making the last 5 years we were together so much more limited. We could have enjoyed those last 5 years so much more without that limitation. I grieve for my husband and for what might have been.
Life is so lonely now. I miss him so much. Even with other people around me I feel displaced. I’m not whole anymore. Part of me is missing,
It’s been 7 weeks for me. How long has it been for you?
Eventually we have to be strong and somehow surface from these depths of despair. That is what our husbands would have wanted us to do.
Take care of yourself. Sending you hugs
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Hi i am sorry for your loss. I know how lonely life can be now. Displaced is a good word to explain how I feel. I say I can’t seem to find my place in society since my husband’s death. Life changes beyond belief. Take care.X
It is 5 weeks. My husband went in to hospital and did well. Got home and then he went downhill. It was Father’s Day and we had an appointment at the hospital the next morning. We waited 6 hours for blood results. Turned out he now had hospital acquired pneumonia. Back in hospital. I knew that covid was in the wards. I got covid. Must have had it for a few days without knowing. I phoned the ward and was told not to come in until the test was clear . I stayed away for four days. When i went back in he was confused and had deteriorated. He now had covid and sepsis.
Hi Loobyloo. I am sorry for your loss. I agree Life does change beyond belief
Thank you for your message. Grief is so lonely its heartening to know someone else understands.
I felt displaced today. I went to visit my husbands son to his first wife. He has been very supportive and wants me to remain part of his family. He usually visits me. Due to shielding I haven’t been to his house in years, Its the first time I’ve been to his house without my husband. Although I was made very welcome I felt like the cuckoo in the nest. I held it together for a couple of hours and left before I crumbled. It’s my husbands family and he should have been with me. I cried on the way there and again on the way home. Not a good thing when you’re driving.
Lets hope we find a place in society again eventually. Meanwhule we have to keep trying.
Sending hugs to you. Take care xx
Hello Marshmallow, What an awful ordeal for you made worse by not being able to visit for four days losing precious time to be with him and talk to him. Your loss like mine is very recent. We can only hope it gets easier to manage the heartache.
We had 15 days together after cancer diagnosis. We thought we had months. The first week was ok then he went downhill so rapidly. He had a hospital bed in our spare bedroom for that second week. I could be with him most of the time. Although he died at home the hospice staff were very supportive and gave advise to the district nurses who were caring for him.
Writing my story down helps to offload some of the overwhelming weight of the grief I carry around,. I hope it helps you.
Don’t forget to eat.
Sending hugs. xx
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Hi @SheShe thank you for your reply. It’s nice that you finally could visit family even though it must have been very tough for you. I haven’t heard from any of my husband’s family since he died apart from a couple of phone calls just after… There was no falling out or anything like that but it’s like I don’t exist now. Very hard as we were together fifty years. My husband would be very disappointed with them. Take care.x
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Hi Loobyloo. I’m sorry to hear your husbands family haven’t stayed in touch. Life is so lonely any contact is very much appreciated. I went to a Sue Ryder Safe Space face to face meeting today. Its held at a local hotel for a couple of hours each week. I found it very helpful meeting other bereaved people. Telling my own story and listening to others. Also general conversation and some interesting ideas as to how I can try to get some hobbies and interests. It could be worth a try to see if there is a group near you.
Take care xx
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Really glad to hear you found our Grief Kind space helpful, @SheShe 
For @Loobyloo2 and anyone else who would like grief support offline, you can find out if there’s a Grief Kind space near you on our website: Grief Kind Spaces | Sue Ryder
Take good care,
Seaneen
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Hi Seaneen, I really did find it useful and will be going again next week. Thank you
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