My wife passed in November '22 after 18months of living with pancreatic Cancer. I was thankful that I had the chance to care for her and be with her for the entire time (I work from home). Two years on I guess I experience all the things mentioned in the posts above to greater or lesser degrees. I have two children who are dealing with the loss of their mother, and I feel it important that I help them to deal with the loss if for no other reason they don’t have the experience of dealing with it on their own. I feel there is no point to life for me personally. I’m not feeling I want it all to end. I just feel I need some way to visualise a future where I can be happy I miss the closeness and the knowledge that somewhere there is that person who is the other half of you.
Hi, a month ago today in about 20 minutes is the time they found my partner of 35 years dead at the bottom of the stairs. I feel like I have been stabbed with a very big sword, all the way through,it twisted and pulled out and then two big plasters put on front and back so no one can see. It hurts so much. Funeral last Friday do what now?
I think there is no right or wrong to what to do now. People who are helpful at the beginning drift away as they are getting on with their lives. Some say inappropriate things and seem oblivious to the fact when they do get in contact. They have never experienced this pain. I would say just try and do something every day no matter how small for yourself. It’s about self care. Sometime that is just finding the strength to get out of bed and eat something. Don’t get weighed down with paperwork of which there is a mountain. Do five minutes of it a day if that’s all you can do then put it away. No matter what remember your partner would not want you to be like this. I tell myself this daily. It doesn’t stop me living in this ‘fog’ though. God bless .
Rockhunter,this is most probably the hardest time in any bodies life ,non of us know each other yet we all know each other,it’s because we are all suffering the same ,I have had severe sickness feelings
And sudden panic attacks ,the worst thinking I am having a heart attack ,hoping it will be fatal,to having a swarm of bees inside me,everything in life is constantly going wrong ,now the mobile phone has packed up ,duff battery! So I had to buy a new one ,my wife took car of the phones and lap top,it just goes on ,on and on ,I move this Thursday back into our house that was flooded ,the idiot builders
Made a stuff up of everything they touched ,the boiler keeps breaking down ,a brand new one ,four or five ?times back to it ,last time they actually sent me a email asking what am I doing to it ,they arnt idiots definitely not but they are working hard to get to the level,
I still wander around the house talking to her ,still do it in the car,people take no notice they think I am on the phone in the car ,strange thing is ,indoors I have her photo and put a small set of Christmas tree lights around it ,when I get angry and tell her off about something I found out ,to late to change it now or even discuss it ,the lights come on until I say good night ,
They don’t come on any other time?
That is honest ,! Not imagining it or heavens forbid making it up,I can’t fathom it out? I’m not religious,spiritual,or any faith ,I have no problem with those who genuinely are ,my wife had religion but not totally ,just different times ,I do know
A bloke who thinks he is a Christian I sent a message in about him on it ,one of the most ,two faced ,self seeking ,hypocritical ,
Takers you can meet ,surprised his name is not jack!,still I digress,this is a colossal test for us all,some will survive and some will not ,it will test us all to the bone ,those who do not manage to get through for different reasons ,may never get onto some sort of life road again,whatever happens it is a certainty it can never be the same again,I may have said ,divorce
Is painful but nothing can compare to this but here you have help ,from all of us ,just
“ ping” in and someone somewhere can help you through the hardest moments,
It’s easy ( is it ?not for me it isn’t” ) to say
But there is light at the end of the tunnel,
I personally can’t be done to walk to it ,get my affairs in order ,and join my wife wherever she is ,but rockhunter you hang in there buddy
Peg
And even this ancient steam driven I pad
Gets it’s own way ,changing words and leaving odd letters from words now and then ! Is it only mine? Peg
I have my phone set so I can type in Italian and English, but all it really does is confuse autocorrect even more.
The problem is it anticipates what I am typing, but every time it gets it wrong. I think this support service would be better with good old telegrams, I’m 44 so I probably have a romanticised view of it. But this is driving me mad. 
Hi Jonny ,I used to be many,many,moons ago very technical ,it was my work ,when I retired I shut my brain down as it had been overworked,now I can’t even manage a mobile phone my lovely wife enjoyed her
Computer and her phone ,I asked her to do something for me on it and she enjoyed doing it ,think it made her wanted
As I used to do everything else in our life’s
Now I am in a desert! Lost all round ,to old for anything and no use now either, just have to plod along accepting what comes along for a while then last one in the room turn the lights off and point me in the direction my wife went off to ,had a eventful life ( I think) between us we covered just about everything and my biggest fear is if I start to forget the little things of her ,luckily I have dvds of her ,and a chock full of answer phone calls from her to it asking me all sorts of questions,where are you ,when will you be home ,what time would you like dinner
Multiple questions,I am so glad I have them ,just hope they don’t wear out or fade or anything,at the moment the old dogs need me and hearing her on the machine just about keeps me until time comes ,Try not to fade anyone ,if you do then that’s it ,just keep all the good memories,peg
Good day All,yes we are all battling our way through this journey,I find I also surround myself with photos and any object he may have touched towards the end,some make me smile others make me howl with heartache.I am still finding the nights so difficult,waking up knowing your person is not in the bathroom or checking the doors just emptiness.
I’m so sad for you and the pain you’re going through. I know what you mean when you say how it feels to be called a widow. I still feel married to my husband. After 17 months I still expect him to walk through the door with a silly grin likes it’s been a game of hide and seek … it can still feel so raw and there are so many memories of the last few weeks, some traumatic but I’ve noticed them getting squashed a bit by the positive ones . I managed to go see his favourite comedian along with my husband’s best friends the other night and we laughed on his behalf- wasn’t easy and we cried too afterwards but we did it and felt he was there with us. Hold onto the good times , sending you hugs