Loss of a Mother and Father

I lost my Father on the 16th August . It would have been his 80th birthday on the 19th August. It was an enormous shock as he had not been seriously ill other than a chest infection in the week he passed away. He was always active and only just been away to the coast 2 weeks prior and doing the garden the week before he passed. It was a massive shock for me and I don’t actually think I had grasped properly that he had gone until after the memorial service, which was very difficult for me As he lives (lived) in South Africa, was unable to go to the memorial and watched it with my son and daughters on zoom in the UK. I have had time off since he passed away, partly planned leave and also compassionate leave of a week (for the first week) and also the GP booked me off for 2 weeks ,so will have had 4 weeks off already, I am a healthcare assistant on a busy ward and feel I am not ready to go back yet as I randomly say something and burst out crying, which I obviously can’t do at work. I am mentally a mess at present, mind of fog and forgetfulness and although my offspring are here and my partner (of 11 years) I feel absolutely lost. I lost my beloved Mother 5 years ago and to some extent still grieving for her as we were a very close family and now with my Dad passing as well ,I just feel ‘alone’ . How long is reasonable to take time off work after the loss of your parents? I feel guilty for not feeling ready to return and also have inflammatory bowel disease which I have quite a bit of time off during flares, stress is also a trigger for me and I’m worried that if I go back to soon when I’m not ready my crohns will also start playing up, triggering even more time off work. My manager (ward sister/matron) have been very good so far but it feels ‘awkward’ phoning them to say I’m not ready to go back.I am still grieving , although I know people say it gets easier but it is very difficult for me at present. One small word, picture ,item or something remembered can have me an outburst of tears and find myself just wanting to curl into a ball, go to sleep and wake up and it’s all a dream .

Hi Michelle,
I don’t have any advice unfortunately, as I too are hurting. My Dad on the same day that your Dad did - 16 April, 2020. I miss him terribly. We had a memorial recently and I’m back in the intense grief I was in the week after he passed away.
I so wish I had encouraging words to offer you. I am so so sorry you have gone through this, and still are. Your Dad didn’t pass away long ago and it is all very raw.
I don’t think anyone can tell you when you are ready to go back to work. Only you know that. Life goes on around our grief and it can be so hard to bridge the gap between what is happening in our minds and hearts, and the outside pressures of the world.
Sending you big hugs xxx

Thanks StarG and sorry for your loss also. I miss both my Mum and Dad, it’s really hard some days with having lost both parents now. As quite a few little poems and songs etc say, I wish Heaven had a telephone just so I could speak to them one last time to tell them how much they were loved, and just to hear their voices again. Better still if there was whatsapp, skype or any form of video chat to see them again :sleepy: :cry: