Loss of a son

Hi I lost my son in a car accident back in January he’s got his 21st coming up beginning of Oct I’m completely lost he was also my best mate talked about the things we loved most Football

Hello Garyw. Welcome to the Community. We are so sorry to hear of the passing of your Son. I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

You may feel you need a little help, just so you know, Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Another good place to get support is Road Peace, they support people bereaved by a road crash http://www.roadpeace.org/support/ 0845 4500 355.

Please to continue to post, I’m sure our other users will respond to you soon.

Best wishes
Online Community Team.

Dear Gary
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my 22yr old son suddenly in June, it is devastating & the pain is indescribable. I hope you have supportive family and friends to help you with your grief. We had my sons 23rd birthday a few weeks after he passed, it was a very painful emotional day. I hope you are able to get through your sons 21st birthday, it will take strength, we got through despite the pain and despair. Sending love and strength xx

Thank you xx

Hi Gary
So sorry for the loss of your son in January and having to face his 21st birthday there is nothing to say to make it easier but I feel this site helps in a small way to share our feelings with others going through similar situations , I lost my 23 year old son in June we are like you devastated, my husband and him were so close they too loved their football and he is finding it so hard our son was his best friend they would sometimes work together and still sit and enjoy a beer in the evening life seems so empty without our children , we sadly lost our daughter ten years before so double blow, I hope you manage to get through your sons birthday ( my husband is finding some comfort in sharing stories with his friends) would that help you ? Take care x

Thank you Jayne I’m so sorry for your double tragedy I totally understand your husband struggle my son also helped me at work sometimes and we would have a beer of a evening if he wasn’t out with his girlfriend ,I’m just feeling so empty with out him I have my family being so supportive of each Other but there all girls and struggling to talk football I have a 2 year old grandson that help me loads through the days I see him it’s the evenings I’m struggling with the most I’m finding talking to people on here helps a bit take care gary

Hi Gary,
I wouldn’t normally post on this thread as I joined the site following the very sudden death of my husband last November. It’s the reference to enjoying football with your son which so resonated with me.
My husband and son had been to watch their team in a European cup match having secured tickets at short notice. During the match I received their view of the pitch via WhatsApp and they were having a great evening. It was what they both loved and talking football was a constant in our house. Afterwards they called in to a bar to let the traffic subside and it was while talking to my son that my husband collapsed. Immediate CPR and defibrillation was futile so in an instant their perfect evening turned into hell on earth. I had a phone call from a policeman telling me to get to the hospital asap.
The sad thing is that not only did our son lose his dad and best friend but his love of football, which might have been a diversion, is now forever tainted with traumatic memories. Every time I see the distinctive club logo it’s like a knife through my heart. Even as I post this, my son is on his way to an appointment with a therapist who specialises in PTSD in an attempt to cope with the images of that evening. The start of the football season which would normally have been greeted with such excitement in our household, has reignited so much anguish.
I have never been a football fan myself but I recognised the unbreakable bond it can form across generations, cultures and language. I miss their constant banter more than I can say.
I feel for you having lost your son on so many levels. I understand totally when you say he was your son and your best mate.
I hope you can engage with your little grandson and can one day talk football with him. I can’t offer any solution to grief but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Take care.

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Thank you so much jobar my passion for football has gone its the banter I miss his last text was I think we’re going to win the league dad it haunts me every day thanks for your sharing your tragic story I’ve only been on here a couple of days and it’s so helpful to talk to people in the same situation I hope your son can one day start loving the game take care

Thank you Gary for saying you hope my son can rekindle his love of the game. I hope so too and that you also can remember happier times. Those memories will have forged an unbreakable bond with your son. You now have his 21st coming up. Hopefully this site will play it’s part in helping you through. Thinking of you.

Hi @Garyw, I am so sorry that you lost your son. Was it Liverpool he was referring to when he texted you about winning the league? Football is the only interest that helps me through my grief, I can’t watch any more games, I get anxious sitting in front of a screen, so I just put it on the radio, and lie in bed … it helps pass many hours a day as the matches are happening at different times these days. Without it, my anxiety would be worse.

@Jobar, I never knew your dear husband died after a match. How tragic. I hope your son is able to watch it again without the negative thoughts of that night, as it is definitely a diversion.
My dad’s younger brother died of a heart attack in Pakistan when he was in his 50s, he was on the way home with his wife in a taxi after they had gone for dinner at a friend’s house, when he said he isn’t feeling well, and then died. All of a sudden, a happy evening can become a life-changing night that takes away the happiness from life. My mum also lost her dad in a foreign country in a hit and run, he went to work one day, and never came home. Maybe that’s why my mum always makes sure that no matter what argument we might have had, we always end the day happy, because we never know whether we will live to see tomorrow or not. I hope you and your family are coping as well as you can.

Hi Abdullah,
Thank you for your kind wishes. It was reading Gary’s post about sharing his love of football with his son that struck a chord and prompted me to respond. Although not a fan myself I recognize the powerful connection it forges between family members and how grief can be accentuated by what was previously a happy diversion becoming a painful reminder of loss.
I miss no longer sharing the ups and downs of a football season and the constant texting on a match night. I hope one day our son can regain his love of the game both as a player and spectator but time will tell.
Gary’s post reminded me of the close relationship between my husband and son and I can empathize with his loss.
I am sorry for the sudden losses in your family and I know you miss your dad very much. Your mum sounds a very wise lady. Take care


Hi abdullah yes it was liverpool he was referring to we used to text all the time about how well they played or how shocking they were I still watch them play on the tv but there’s no passion anymore it’s as those something has died inside when my son passed thank you for replying I’m new to this site but already it’s starting to help talking to people that are in the same situation take care

Hey @Garyw, I am glad talking is helping you. It must have been so painful seeing Liverpool winning the league and not being able to share it with your son. And the Merseyside derby coming up too - my dad didn’t care about football, but my brother and I would tell him about it, and a few years ago I showed him a video where Salah surprised some children, and my dad loved it, and last week I came across that video, and it made me so sad, so I cannot even begin to imagine all the sadness and sorrow that you and @Jobar’s sons must be feeling when the football is on but you/they don’t have the person they want to discuss it and enjoy it with most here anymore.