Three years tomorrow I laid my beautiful daughter to rest. The time has gone quickly yet so slowly if that makes sense. My daughter died with a very rare benign tumour on her spinal cord. Immunotherapy made her liver attack her body and she was so purely. Nobody knew the best way to treat her as they had never seen this tumour before, just 10 cases world wide each year. They debulked the tumour, it wasn’t possible to remove it all the after immunotherapy there wasn’t a plan B yet she remained at the end reasonably well, didn’t look ill at all. We had a holiday to Colombia and many trips to the theatre. The end was very quick just two weeks in hospital as she lost movement in her legs, 2 weeks later the day she died, paralysed from the neck down so I was grateful of her passing. The pain of losing a child is a pain like no other. I have lost my mum, dad and brother and the pain doesn’t compare. Will I ever stop grieving? I’m not depressed just incredibly sad. I slap on the smile and say what I think people want to hear but inside I’m crumbling. Will it get easier? I am grateful for the 42 years I had with my daughter but I was never prepared to lose her
Hi Jude53
I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. I don’t think we are ever really prepared for the death of a loved one, and what you are feeling is normal.
Anniversaries and important dates can especially tough for those who are grieving. Please know that you’re not alone, we’re here to help.
I don’t know if you’ve had any counselling, but if it would be of any help we have free counselling available - Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
And we also have Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
I know someone else will be along to offer support soon, so keep reaching out, the community is here for you.
Take care, Rhi (Sue Ryder Team)
Thank you x
Dear jude53
In May it will be 11 yrs since i lost my 18yr old son Conor. I focused on getting his siblings through their grief and then 4 yrs ago with an empty nest and escaping an abusive husband of 20 yrs. I was completely alone with all my thoughts. I could not cope with the sudden onset of my grief. Throw Covid-19 into that and being on the shielding list i was so alone with my feelings. Finding this site was my saviour. We r the only people who can understand how we really feel. I am so sorry for ur loss. There is no right or wrong way to feel. I hope u have some people around u that u don’t have to put that fake smile on for. People forget so easily. They think there has been enough time u should be over it by now etc. I don’t think there is ever an over it time. There will always be times when that overwhelming grief slaps u in the face. It can be special occasions, anniversaries or something as simple as a song on the radio. U have to be self kind to make it through these times. So being incredibly sad is ok, all ur emotions r valid. I used and sometimes still do use the grief diary on the Sue Ryder site. Find by clicking the Sue Ryder heading at the top of this page. It is a good tool to track how u r feeling day to day and u can edit or delete entries. Nobody else can see it so it is a totally safe space to get all those emotions out.
Love and hugs
Pauline x
Oh thanks for that info, will take a look. Jo died just at the start of lockdown which was good for me it meant I didn’t have to talk to anyone. You are right, sometimes something just turns up and slaps you in the face. Thank you so much for your reply xx
Hi Jude
U r very welcome. It is the hardest thing we can do as a parent. The bereaved parents club is not something we ever even thought we would join. But here we r fighting to get thru it. Although i am not sure we ever come out the other side. I think we r forever a different person. All those hopes and dreams we had for them from being pregnant, lifes milestones, buy a house, get married, have children etc all gone. It is a life long grieving process. There r always people here u can talk 2. Look at some of the other threads of conversations at the bottom of the page and see if u can find more people. Unfortunately there are a lot of us.
Love and hugs
Pauline x