Loss of beautiful daughter

Losing a child
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We lost our beautiful daughter 2 years ago and am absolutely devastated… it hurts that we could nit get her away from the toxic life she was living … she gad been controlled in 2 relationships which was very hard to sit and watch it going done…. and we wanted to take her away from who she was with to a safe place…the day she passed the person she was living with left her alone in the bedroom in and out of consciousness and agony….all day he didn’t tell us how ill she was in the 2 weeks leading to that horrible day… we found out the news after a ambulance was called and we went to the hospital to discover how ill she was….she never regained consciousness. The medics told us she had a massive heart attack, as well as sepsis and her organs were failing……she passed at 11…43 that evening….
I saw my daughter take her first breath and held her hand as she took her last… I feel so angry and that l couldn’t save her … and I am hurting so bad…I have had some counselling but right now it is not helping….i still see everything leading to her death and know I can’t ever stop that. I had to have a heart procedure ding this year and was told stress played a big part in this……
I have 3 other children and am constantly trying not to show my emotions to them as I need to be strong for them and for my husband who has been and still is amazing …my mum died a few months after my daughter .but I accepted this was expected……How do I cope…how long will this hurt…will,it ever go away…

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Hello Bexbees,

I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter that brings you here.

You’ve asked how you can cope. I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.

  • Child Bereavement UK - (https://www.childbereavementuk.org/) support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.

  • The Compassionate Friends - (https://www.tcf.org.uk) support families who have lost a child of any age. They have a grief companion scheme where you can get 1-1 support from another bereaved parent. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.

Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Abi

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Hi @Bexbees, I am truly sorry you have had to deal with the loss of your daughter, I lost my son 20 years ago under circumstances I wish I had had more control over, sadly this is often the case, we tend to think of them as our children where in reality they are adults even if they don’t seem to be able to handle that and as such they are going to go their own way whether we like it or not. For a long time I beat myself up thinking I should we have done more, could we have done this or that, in my case I felt I had done a lot but actually the help I offered was pretty much disregarded, some “children” seem to be hell bent on self destruction or being in that environment that will end badly. i have gone over this many times but I know we did the best we could, we were largely ignored even with my son now living back home, when they want to be they can be very good at hoodwinking their parents, I had said good night, the following morning he was found dead by my wife from heart failure. Sometimes outsiders will make it obvious that it in their eyes it is down to “not being brought up properly” we know that is not the case. Eventually I accepted we could not have changed the course my son took, you love them but they were responsible for their actions and you have to accept this. I don’t know the circumstances of your daughters death and I may be well out of line, if I am I really do apologise , the point I am trying to get across in my case, my son was an adult, he chose to make his decisions.
The hurt will subside but like all grief it is a long journey, try to accept you did your best, that is all you can do, take care.

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