Hey, new to the forum and seeking people’s personal experiences on how to deal with grief. I understand it’s different for every individual but I feel as if I am not moving forward with mine.
So six months ago my best friend passed away suddenly after a driver run him off his bike. The first few weeks felt like a blur but the last few months I feel like I have been in complete denial. As if I’m not facing reality. Subconsciously I know he’s not here anymore, but I don’t feel like consciously it’s confirmed for me. I recently got into a new job and have been throwing myself completely in but finding no time for myself, I am exhausted every single day, I can’t concentrate and my managers pressure me into taking overtime. Because of the nature of my job I felt I couldn’t tell them about my grief because they wouldn’t allow me to work if they felt I couldn’t handle the pressure. So not only that, my cousin took his own life March just gone and it’s all getting too much. I feel like I’m not expressing myself in ways I should be, I feel nothing and just lack complete empathy for others which is very unlike me. I am also awaiting the court date for the guy who killed my dearest friend which is next month and I’m feeling anxious about it.
I’m just at a loss, I am aware I am neglecting myself in the sense of not taking me time or looking after my overall health. I know these are very important things that I need to be doing but I just can’t find the motivation. I was just wondering if there’s any advice out there as to how I can emotionally move forward with myself? I just feel stuck.
If anybody can offer any advice it would be highly appreciated, as mentioned above I understand entirely everybody goes through grief in different ways but anything would be a massive uplift.
Thank you!
Hi Courtney,
Welcome to the Online Community. I’m so sorry for your losses - you’ve certainly had an awful time of it in the past six months. It sounds as though you may be throwing yourself into your work and perhaps cutting yourself off from your emotions at the moment? In general, it helps to be able to talk about grief and not bottle it up, so I’m really glad that you’ve joined us here and been able to start writing some of it down.
You aren’t alone on this site, as there are lots of people here who have lost someone close and understand the different ways grief can affect people. While you wait for some more replies to your post, you might find it helpful to read this post from a little while back by Claire: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/loosing-3-family-member-has-brought-back-my-past-what-can-i-do
Claire lost a number of people close to her, including a friend who was hit by a car. I thought you might find it helpful to read her experiences and the replies she received here.
You mention that you feel a lack of empathy and that you lack the motivation to help yourself. I’m not a mental health professional, and I can’t diagnose you over the internet I wonder if it is possible that you are depressed?
Do you have any support from friends or family members that you can talk to? Have you considered looking in to some counselling? Some people find counselling really helpful because they can talk through everything with a neutral person, which helps them to process their emotions and start to move forwards. Your GP is a good first step if you are looking for counselling. The charity Mind also has useful information on how to access counselling: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-treatments/finding-a-therapist
Please do tell someone how you are feeling, as there is help out there.
I will be thinking of you as the court date approaches- it must be awful to have that hanging over you, and I hope that you will see justice done for your friend.