In the last 3 years, I have lost my sister, my mum and most recently, my best friend of 54 years. He died very suddenly in December. My sister, who was 6 years older than me, had suffered a major stroke some years ago. She was paralyzed on one side, lost her speech and was doubly incontinent. My mum was 98, had vascular dementia but was fine until she had a minor fall, was hospitalised and went downhill rapidly. I couldn’t visit here because of COVID restrictions and living 100 miles away. Sad though both deaths were, they were also a blessed relief. The shock of my friend dying was something else. We were the same age, and had been better than brother and sister. Over the years, we had supported each other through various circumstances as well as having the best fun together. It would have been his 72nd birthday on the 3rd August and a year ago, we had shared an hilarious birthday dinner. His daughter got married this last weekend and although I was so happy for her, I felt so devastated that her dad wasn’t there. I feel in such a mess, I am getting angry with my partner for trivial reasons, I’m cross that I feel I have to put on a brave face to family and friends when I really just want to curl up in a ball and cry. There are times when I just can’t think straight or I am going through the motions of “normal” life. I find it very difficult to explain to others how I am feeling so lost.
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I also wanted to share these Sue Ryder resources with you.
- Our Losing a friend support page
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
I really hope you find the community to be a support to you - you are not alone.
Take good care,
This sounds so heartbreaking for you. Also compounded by the loss of your mum, sister and best friend. It must be unbearable for you and i can understand that you are in shock especially as your friend was so close to you in addition to feeling the impact on her family. Its okay to breakdown into a ball and cry. Thats what i do and it helps. Hoping for peace and love for you xxxx Lynne
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. I’ve also been blindsided by a similar loss recently, and grieve more for him than my other losses of close relatives. Please don’t just feel like you need to wear a ‘brave face’…it’s OK to grieve for what you’ve lost, as well as for what you can see others lost at the same time. Reach out to those close to you and let them know you’re grieving, or do something special in menory of your dear friend.