Hello, I have sadly lost both of my parents within the past year - only 4.5 months apart. It has been so difficult adjusting to becoming an ‘Adult Orphan’ at such a young age. Losing them both so close together has felt impossible to process. My dad was unwell for most of my life so I was always preparing for losing him, however I never in a million years planned to lose my mam before him! It feels like an awful nightmare that’s come true but is a million times worse than I ever imagined. It’s so hard to get my head around. I feel so lonely sometimes and don’t know who or where to turn to. It all just feels very unfair. Why me? Why them? Why now? Why so close together? Why did my mam die first? So many questions.
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Hello,
I lost my mum when I was 19, I’m now 22 and it doesn’t seem to have gotten any easier! I don’t have anyone who understands what I’m going through so I often feel lonely!
If you ever need to talk to someone I’m always here.
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Hi,
I lost my mum a month ago and I still can’t get my head around it. I’m 26 by the way and I have the exact same questions as you… Why her? Why do I have to spend this Christmas without her? Does it ever get easier?
She took care of everyone around her. Her parents and my dad’s mother, her brother and even some elderly neighbours.
I just don’t know what to do, it was so sudden… We were making plans for the day hours before she passed away.
Also, “adult orphan” is the exact term I was looking for. When I think about the things she will miss, I get so sad… I just wish I could hug her one more time.
I’m with you.
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Hi kem,
It will be 2 weeks this thursday for my mam. Stage 4 cancer of gall bladder. No clue. No warning. She will be 80 in January. She had lots of health things but the GP said she would get better. This came from nowhere. I’m absolutely destroyed. My family just cannot comprehend how utterly devastated I am. I’m 51 and feel like a child. She is my whole world. Thought I was feeling a bit better yesterday but back to balling my eyes out. It doesn’t get any better. I know it’s early on but other posts months and years down the line say it doesn’t get easier and it can gat harder. I’m so sorry. Keep posting because it is helping me. x
I’m 35 lost my mam in the blink of an eye, so sudden without warning. I have the same questions as u…why her? Why now? Why me? Life so cruel and shit, it’s hard for me at my age so u the tender age 24 so hard, sending u love and hugs xxxx
I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling, I am 20 so I feel similarly about experiencing such loss at a young age. Thinking of you, please reach out if you need anything xx
Lauryn
Wow that’s tough, lost both my parents too. I was 39 when I lost them both and still feel the way you expressed. You have lost them so very young. My dad also lost both his parents by 22 and he arose like Phoenix.
Keep fighting the good fight and hear to listen if you ever want to talk x
PM me anytime day or night
Hi I lost both parents four years ago within months and have days where I drink that much I can’t remember what I’ve done to blot the pain away. Every Xmas is hard. My daughter was born not long afterwards and they both never got to meet her. To make things harder she was born with a rare condition which she’s had to have numerous operations and is getting there every year which is really good. I hope talking on here can help us all out. Thanks.
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Hi,
I lost my mam 6 weeks ago tomorrow. I can’t imagine how you are getting through losing both but I can understand why you would drink to escape. It’s heartbreaking, something we are not prepared for or understand. I always thought mam would be forever even though she will be 80 in 2 weeks (would have been - I keep referring her to now). It’s so sad to know the grandchildren and great grandchildren won’t know her as they grow, like your daughter. That must be so hard with all the hospital visits and worry but good that she is getting there. My sisters have children and work commitments and had to do Christmas and feel like they haven’t grieved for mam. I have sat in a space and drowned in despair. I can’t move forward. I don’t drink or use meds and the pain is excruciating. I move between emotions throughout the day and am alone . I find posting on here helps me because people are very kind and do understand what is happening to you and how you are feeling because they are feeling it too. We made a tribute site for mam where I’ve been posting pics, songs, hymns etc from the service. It’s free and anyone can do it in memory of their loved ones. Maybe that could help you to focus on. I have been lighting virtual candles and sending messages to mam. It’s heartbreaking because I know she isn’t here and can’t see any of it and I fool myself into thinking it is for her but it’s better than nothing. Take care of you and your daughter x
Thanks for your message it’s good you do something like that for your mum it gives you a place to go and get things out if that makes sense, all’s I can say is keep your self busy it does get easier with time and you learn how to live with it. When your ready get something going like a new hobbie or something like that. I don’t drink every day but when I do I go out of control and it’s scary. It’s like once a month. I don’t feel like I have to do it so I can control it. But I think coming here and talking will help me not to get in that situation anymore. Hope you keep going you will get through it eventually it just takes time. Thanks.
It does help chatting on here and I’ve moved on from crying throughout the day. If you need to let loose once a month I see nothing wrong in that as long as you have someone there to keep you safe. The tribute site is a good focus for me to focus on mam in a productive way. I know she would be pleased seeing what I’ve done and encouraging family too but I don’t know whether they want to. It’s like a shrine to her memory. I think whatever helps us to get out of bed is a good thing. Take care xxx