Phew, every day is hard. Lost dad 7 months ago and mum 3 months ago. Feel like I’ve lost both my besties and can’t even tell the other one about what’s happened to the other. I feel like there’s a big dark broken place in my core, (chest) which I don’t think will ever heal. The pain of loosing them both is overwhelming at times, sometimes I can get on with normal things sometimes not. I feel like I am very fatigued, & dragging myself through life at the moment. My motivation to do normal activities has declined but not gone, but the fatigue and lack of interest isn’t normal for me. I just hope I will wake up one morning and be me again. My mind replays the good the bad and the ugly all the time, about the times I spent with them both. I was a live in carer for my gorgeous mum for the last 12 months meanwhile my pops got ill over several months and finally passed away in hospital. Still can’t believe it. Any of it. I want to feel better. I realise that not even a ‘boot up the backside’ would make any difference at the moment as the emotional part of my brain is affecting the motivation part, and it doesn’t feel like I can change that consciously. I’m limping along & just trying to get by. I told mum and dad when they separately realised they were dying ‘don’t worry it’s going to be absolutely fine, don’t you worry about a thing’ and now I realise how enormous my statements to them were. I feel really privileged to have had them in my life 60 years, but it’s made the loss of them both create a big, big hole. They always wanted to ‘go’ at the same time so they kinda got their wish there, although mum was crying that she didn’t want us adult kids to loose them both so close together. Because she had been given a timeframe of her death from metastasised cancer. What really can you say. They propped up the family, kept us grounded. Things wont ever be the same I know that for sure, just hoping I can get my mojo back. Anyone have any advice on this? What is your experience?
Sending much love out to others who’ve lost their parents, such deep pain can’t be quantified xxx
Hi I have lost both my parents too! My dad had a cardiac arrest last year at 67 and my mum died this August from dementia at 71!
I am 50 and have a stressful job in the NHS!
I am struggling with the thought of going back to work as I have developed terrible anxiety and recently started on antidepressants! My life is a mess and am struggling any advice would be appreciated xx
Speirsr I too am NHS! I’m so sorry for your losses, I really get it. I was not looking forward to work as we are dealing with the elderly too but so far I’ve taken my step back in slowly and its ‘ok’ so if you can go back to work on less hours and less responsibility to start you off it may help.
Bless you -loosing your dad so young how awful. And I daresay your dear mum was poorly for some time in her 60’s before the dementia took hold. What a shock for you. I must admit to feeling the shock, most of the time, maybe all of the time.
Have you got any bereavement support person to talk to. I have a chap I speak to every week which helps me get some of the stress off my chest. Do you have a support network of friends and any family who you can lean on right now?
How are you with your daily routines? Are you trying (!) to get good sleep, eat well and enjoy any normal activities. I am trying to do those things, although the sleep one can be hit and miss. Last night I had a nightmare and then awake for absolutely hours as I was spooked by it. When I looked up the meaning of the dream, it said that it meant ‘it represented a broken part of me’ and saying it reflects that ‘I am probably devastated (yes)’ so I guess its all going on in our minds even if we dont consciously think about it.
When my mum got ill she insisted (!) I have her dog to care for when she went, which I have now adopted. I have to take him for walks, and last night when I utterly didn’t have the energy or desire to take him out, he has rights and needs so I couldn’t not take him. I cried (wearing sunglasses) as I walked him round the park, and felt better after- probably because I had released cortisol through my tears, and the physical activity I was ‘forced’ into and feeling and observing nature all around me too. If you can find a reason for some self care, this may help. It sounds like you need a mental holiday. I do hope you can find your ‘you’ again soon.
I find essential oil candles are soothing, also perfumes and at the moment I am eating comfort foods which is not like me but trying not to over eat and keeping what I have lean and healthy versions as is possible. Little bits add together, make things a tiny bit better, certainly for me its going to take some time.
Sending big hugs, ‘you’ve got this’ xx
I am a matron so no respite when I do finally go back to work!
I have a phone call with bereavement team from work weekly which helps and am awaiting counselling.
I have just been out for the afternoon with my mother in law and found that helped just the thought of work cripples me with anxiety!
Big hugs and thank you for your kindness it really does mean the world right now xx