Loss of both parents


I have lost both my parents within 5 weeks and 2 days of each other.
Dad died 2nd dec 22 and mum left us 8th jan 23.
Dad was 91, mum was 87. Dad had been ill for a while with parkinsons, he had had a number of bouts of pneumonia over the last 2 years, each one leaving him more frail. After 2 bouts within 4 weeks, he passed away. His end was quick, so much so he was gone within 20 minutes of the hospital ringing us to come in so we werent there, but we were told he just slipped away peacefully.
Mum hadn’t been unwell (aside from usual colds etc.) She had what we thought was a UTI so was admitted to hospital on the Saturday afternoon, sunday morning i had a call to get to the hospital quickly, long story short we we told at 11.45am that she wasnt going to live, she was gone by noon… less than 15 minutes. Her end was not peaceful, she was gasping and clearly in distress at points.

Logically i know she is now in the right place, her and dad had been together 70 years and 2 months, she could not see her life without him and her grief was all consuming. She told me he had been calling for her the friday night (i like to believe this was dad letting her know she was going to him).

I feel I’m on auto pilot. I’m bone tired but sleep is either elusive or not restful (hence I’m here at 3.30am) we are desperately trying to get most of the house cleared before we all have to return to work.
I always rang mum on my way home from work, i know that will hit me when i can’t do that anymore.


Hi @Annie46
I really feel your pain, i am in a similar situation having lost both my parents within 10 weeks of each other quite recently- my father suddenly without warning last autumn while my mother was in hopsital for a routine non life threatening issue. . She never got over it, couldn’t face life without him or returning home without him being there and died I think of a broken heart. They had been together for over 63 years, and like you I know she’s happy to be reunited with him, but I am heartbroken. Its all very raw at the moment and I’m hoping it will get easier. No help to you sorry but wanted you to know that you are not alone


Aw, love you. Its so hard isn’t.
Despite what mums death certificate says, I’m sure that she died of a broken heart. :broken_heart:

Sending cwtches to you.


Thanks - and to you too. Good luck back in work, i’s going to take a lot of time to adjust and get used to our ‘new normal’ :pensive:


Hi Annie,
I had a very similar experience my mum had parkinsons my dad was her carer, my dad hid his diagnosis of heart failure from us all and then he started getting very poorly they trued all they could but said there was nothing more they could do, he couldnt be her carer any more so they more thme feom hospital into a home. My dad passed away 2 months later and my heart broke :broken_heart: and it was even harder watching my children broken too. My mum just couldnt cope without him and passed away in the following april. Its so tough to suddenly have no parents. I have no family elders for support. I catch myself thinking sometimes, oh dad would have known that and then the tears come. Just when you think its getting easier you will be in tears. Be kind to yourself, I always try and think about the funny times with my mum and dad and share thise stories with my kids as it helps to keep him/them alive in a funny memories way rather than dwelling on what i lost. My dads funeral was a celebration of his life as I was determined not to have sad funeral, he was larger than life and always joking and thats what I wanted everyone to remember. Sadly my mums funeral was awful as it was arranged by her eldest daughter and there was no fun and relevant stories about what a kind caring woman she was.

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I’m so sorry for your loss.
I know those words won’t help or take away from the pain you’re in right now. How could they? There are no words.
My dad died just before Christmas. He’d been poorly for a few weeks and a virus on the Ward tipped the scales. In some ways it was a relief as watching him struggle and gasp for every breath was heartbreaking.
We were all there we said our goodbyes, the room was filled with love.
I was at the funeral parlour 2 days later when I got the call to say his wife, my step mum, had just been admitted to hospital. She died suddenly the next day. Exactly 3 days, 3 hours and 3 minutes later.
How does anyone cope with that?
It was their joint funeral yesterday, and today I feel lost. I can’t sleep… I’m in a fog.
I know I won’t feel like this forever but right now it’s so damn hard.
So I understand. I feel your pain. Know you are not alone. X

Oh bless you.

I think some people just can’t bear to be apart.
I found a mother day card yesterday while sorting out, in it I’d written I’d be lost without you… I never knew how much.
All i do is cry at the moment, i cant imagine life without them both. Due to the age gap between me and my siblings, i was raised largely as an only child. Four of us have spent the last 10 days together, we all live aoart and im terrified i wont see them again after the funeral.

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Thanks for replying. I understand your worries. I wonder if I’ll lose my step brother and step sister.
I’m sure you’ll stay in touch. Maybe you could explain your fears and agree a date you can all meet up again.
Sending hugs x

And to you x