Loss of both Parents

So I am new to this …

Just thought I’d give my story … so basically am really struggling I lost my dad in July 2022 suddenly over course of week then he passed leaving me, mum and rest family heartbroken …

We tried to do things to perk ourselves up, keeping busy and things but came back to reality with a almighty bang …

19 months go by and on 1st March 2024 my poor wee mum had a fatal heart attack and passed … I was there when they both passed alone to a point … seeing that has affected me …

Thing is I lived and looked after both my parents … Now I am in a empty house with just my thoughts now … :pleading_face::pleading_face::pleading_face:

I miss them both so much its literally killing me I think ,

Thanks x

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@TomMarcano85 I just wanted to reach out to you , I am so sorry for your loss of both your parents. Its not easy is it , i can completly relate to how your feeling. I lost my Dad in december and my mum 4 weeks ago. Its been such a shock as both where unexpected . I would say its a rollercoastwr of emotions please be gentle on you and if you want to chat more pls send me a message take care

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Thank You so much, It is so difficult losing 1 parent never mind 2, I am struggling is I talk too them about stuff, I have both they’re ashes at home, Is a comfort for me …

Thanks so much for reaching out to me :innocent::cupid::+1:t2:

I have my parents ashes and my sisters with me at home too. We interned their ashes together. Its a overwhelming feeling of sadness and aloneness , well thats how I feel. I have been tryin to keep busy to distract from everything else . Hope your doing ok today

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Hi, Yeah I have own parents ashes in house not parted with them yet but think I’d struggle a lot when do …

But I do keepself busy

My Dad died 3 years ago and my mum in January this year. I lived with them to help out. I’m now living in an empty house, it can be so lonely. I’m hoping I don’t have to move, it depends on whether I can afford the inheritance tax and outgoings. xx

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@TomMarcano85 I am keeping them.and will scatter a small amount but not where near ready to do that. I have been down at the house today trying to sort some paperwork , so many memories !

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I have found getting out for a walk every day has helped. It helps to lift the cloak of sadness that I carry around with me. I often listen to podcasts on my walks. Not ready for podcasts on grief yet, but I listen to things like Feel Better Live More podcast. Has encouraged me to eat better, move more and just be kind to myself-which all help my mental health.

Also meet friends, go for a coffee, go for a walk. I regularly walk with a good friend who also lost both her parents in one year. We rarely talk about our parents, or our grief when walking. But we chat about everything else, or walk in silence (we often walk 10miles, so it’s OK to run out of stuff to say and just walk).

If I’m having a bad day I whatsapp my friends just to get it off my chest. I get out, I listen to a podcast and I get busy. Before I know it I am feeling a lot more positive.

I lost both my parents last year, within 4 months of each other.

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@Tangerinetwirly some good advice , I also lost both my parents within 4 months of each other

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I lost mine too, longer ago. I sold the house after my father died to take me and my mother from the death house. then she died. now I wish I had the house. being an only child, I was frightened of being in there alone.

I know how you feel, as I am you, in a way. I suggest you ride it out. I wish I had. grief counseling and grief support groups helped me a lot. and time.

we should make no decisions before a year has passed. even two, I would say. and the markets in our countries are terrible and predatory and your home is a safe place.

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Hi I did so that but ended up really sore after walking as did it a lot.

It is a tough journey and there is times when I do wish I was not here as it is all very real and sad.

I am so sorry for your loss, the loss of one parent is awful enough, but both in a short space of time is horrific, and I’m really thinking of you.
My only piece of advice is finding some small or short hobbies (to start off with) to fill the emptiness within the day. It’s hard to start doing new things but one or two small activities a day (even if it’s cleaning one room, or going for a short walk) will help break the day up and make them seem less long.
Sending lots of hugs x

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Hey, Rosie what I did start was decorating painting but stopped for a while as only annoyed myself .

I will do gardening soon things like that helps or maybe a new tv show

Thanks.

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Maybe set yourself achievable limits on how much walking you do. Find nice place to walk with places to stop & sit where can enjoy nature.

I got into drawing for a while and bored myself with it. Have watched a lot of boxsets on tv too. And done some diy in fits & starts. My Dad was a joiner though so doing diy round the house does bring up feelings because I’d go to him for advice and he would do the difficult stuff. Now I’m having to find the courage to tackle things myself. But I do always feel better when I’ve done them. I procrastinate like hell beforehand though.

Definitely try to find yourself something that gives you a bit of purpose. A community group or volunteering. There will be something out there just waiting for you.

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Hi I was never a decorator but managed to suprise myself on how neat I could paint .
… see kept wallpaper up as didnt feel as though I wanted to change it so I painted baseboards doors window frames white to smarten it up now and progressing into hall and this is a big 3 bedroom house to do but olfd saying rome was not built in a day,

My big sister does look out for me taking me walks and talks , Then I go stay with other sister in the next town,

Spent nearly a whole week in this house and feel as though time flew by,

I will try and find my purpose and do need a sense of direction to channel energy into now,

Thanks.

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I am glad to hear you have family around you. I suppose what you are going through is a mixture of grief & empty nest syndrome. Which means there are so many more reminders of your grief. So filling that time & finding places & people you can spend time with to take you away from that will help give some relief. Until your new normal becomes habit & the grief isn’t as all consuming.

I didn’t live with my Mum but because she’d been ill for so long my every thought involved her. I did jobs that allowed me to help her, I bought a house that she could get in & out of, with a downstairs loo. My car, my sofa etc etc. So it’s taking time to get used to not doing that.

It does feel so much better when you get those diy tasks done. I have a list as long as my arm to get round to. My priority job for the summer is the window frames-inside & out.

I work part-time as a lollipop lady, it allowed me to care for my Mum and be a Mum. Really I should be looking for full-time job now as my ‘kids’ are 16 & 28. But I’m just taking this time to sort the house & heal myself. But I really notice that I have to put a lot of effort into doing things when it’s the holidays, otherwise my mood really start to dip. Just that routine of having to get up & out twice a day and be happy & smiley to people really does help. And it makes the rest of my day more productive.

My family is probably fed up of me baking bread & making sauerkraut & having super healthy meals :joy:. But it’s my way of making use of all the extra time I have now & just taking care of me & them.

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Hi wow that is a lot to keep urself busy with,

I do have days where I am productive and like today just want to lie under covers and blank it all out …

Lots of little things I did for my parents personal stuff cutting hair and nails and that hurts as I no longer able to do that.

I do feel as both sisters have theyre lives and mine is on hold now …

But I will need to plod along best I can soon as cant go on like way am doing .

Thanks