Loss of dad thru fire


I lost my dad at the end of June in a horrific house fire. The call went thru to the fire brigade at 4.48pm. I received a call at work (3 mins walk away) and ran to his house by 5pm but could only stand and watch knowing my dad was in there and there was nothing I could do.

I have massive guilt that when I ran up, the police couldn’t stop me quickly enough (there was still fire engine’s and response units arriving etc) and I managed to get right opposite his livingroom window for a minute but didnt shout for him (I think I was so taken aback by the strength of the fire). If I had, and if he was conscious or even unconcious but could hear at that point, he’d have known I was with him almost the whole time and he didnt die alone.

I stood for an hour until they had the fire under enough control that they could confirm they had found him.

Nearly 16 weeks later I think I still feel absolutely numb but I mostly dont have any clue how I feel. The stuff we’ve (my brother and I) have had to do has been unimaginable and harrowing.

I returned (wasnt given an option) to work immediately after the funeral (3 weeks) but have now taken some time off work as I know I’m not dealing with this in any kind of way which probably isn’t healthy. To be honest, I have no idea how to even start dealing with any of this. I havent really cried and still feel I’m just on auto pilot.

Has anyone else suffered a loss like this - how do you start coming to terms with it? I can only be off work for so long but its the last place I want to be - I feel as if I can barely breathe some days and I’m still dealing with so much paperwork and contractors etc that I just feel overwhelmed at times. Work wasnt particularly understanding of the situation I found myself in which was very unhelpful.

I’d be happy to listen to all advice. I know if this happened to a friend how horrific I’d find the situation they were going thru but im not sure I see or feel that way about myself. Its so hard to describe and it doesnt make much sense. Sometimes, I think it’s obviously not really that big a deal because I dont feel anything but the logical part of my head says that cant possibly be true.

Thanks for listening…

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I am so very sorry for your recent loss , I cant imagine the pain you are in right now I lost my Mum 18 months ago and went through hell due to the fact I lost all of my feelings for the rest of my family at this time. I have a son , new daughter in law and two grandchildren and the awful thing about it was my youngest grandchild was born just after my Mum passed and after looking forward to having a granddaughter for so long I went from elation to despair. Long story short I had( 6) bereavement counselling sessions and something I discovered was that cutting ourselves off from our feelings sometimes happens when someone we love dies as a way of protecting ourselves . I never would have believed it myself and it hurt so much not to feel love for any one . The numbness I felt lasted 9 months. But the one day I found myself looking at my little family and there was a sudden rush of love. All I would say is hang on in there you will feel like yourself again , maybe not today or tomrrow but it Will happen !

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