Loss of dad

My dad died today! One minute there the next gone, how can this be real? How can he not be here? I can feel that hes not here anymore, part of my soul has gone with him. How can he not be here?? I need to know how to be ok?? Im sorry to ramble but my hearts gone.

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You won’t be ok for a long time, but there will come a day when you will. Do whatever you need to do in the meantime to grieve. There’s no instruction leaflet for this, just go with it, weather it, it’s tough but no short cut.

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@Clarzie78 Sorry you’re about to embark on this journey into grief. My Dad died 10 weeks ago & I still wake up thinking it’s all been a dream. My heart like yours is broken. You’re amongst friends here who know how painful bereavement is. Take each moment as it comes. Over the coming days you’ll feel a roller coaster of emotions. Take care X

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@AngelinaH @Cee thankyou both for taking the time to reply, thursday was a very raw day, my dad had suffered for such a long time, and we knew he couldnt continue, but to see him take the last breath, ill never unsee it, his body was literally empty…he had gone from his body that quick…we have bits to sort out, im absolutely dreading the funeral, id rather not go, but i know my mum needs me. My parents have been married 50 years, my mum has lost herself for now. I hope this feeling of emptyness will pass eventually? :confused: or maybe this is life now??

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It will pass, be certain of that, but the road is long, hard, sorrowful, difficult. Is this the first time you’ve seen someone die? I get that impression. If so it is shocking and will probably stay with you. That said, I have just lost my husband after 45 years together. I sat with him as the breath left his body and I’ll never, ever forget that I don’t think. 11 years ago my Dad died aged 92. I sat with him in his room at the care home, slept in the chair, for a whole 8 days. He died while I’d popped out of the room for a breather. I came back and he was gone. I felt angry he’d been alone, but he wouldn’t have known that. 11 years on I can think about it without feeling angry or crying. It’s just sad and I loved him.

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That’s not to say it’s taken me 11 years to get to this stage with my Dad. The feelings changed very gradually. I couldn’t speak about him without tears for a long time.

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@Clarzie78 I know what you mean. I walked in on my Dad dying in hospital. Friends tell me to try & think of nicer times but in a way I don’t want to because that was the last time I saw him alive. You’re right tho, you can’t unsee it. You play it over & over hoping for a different outcome. Even in death, he didn’t look at peace…I think if you don’t go to his funeral, you’ll regret it. I looked at it as supporting my mum & saying goodbye. I’m glad I went because it was beautiful. We chose some lovely touches, including a Costa cup to sit on his coffin. (He loved his coffee) planning his funeral was actually cathartic in a way. It was the last thing I could do for him. I’m here if you want to chat. Take care. X

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@AngelinaH yes first time see a dead body, and being around someone that poorly, never been so traumatised…

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@Cee thankyou, we have the funeral ditectors on tuesday, the days have all rolled into one long week…i knew he was going to die, but he was only 69 its so unfair that hes been cut short…i will definitely attend the funeral but am just so so scared x

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@Clarzie78 I sympathise. The Day after my Dad died, I cried a river, I didn’t eat, the emotional stress of it all was too much to bear. I wanted to crawl into a hole forever. Going to the funeral directors is an ordeal in itself so take things bit by bit. I think I cried in there too. I certainly sobbed in the chapel of rest. Be kind to yourself, time will go fast & slow in the following days & you’ll feel all over the place. X

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