Hello,
On monday I received a call from the hospital to say my estranged father had died. Back story was he left me when i was 9 with 0 contact for 20 years. He tried to get in contact 2 years ago and we attempted a relationship but i couldnt get over the 20 years. I went to see his body on monday which was awful. Life just seems to be continuing though. Any advice, kind words and tips for how to copewouls be appreciated x
Hello @Becboo93,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your father. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
You might also want to look at Losing a parent - coping with the death of a parent | Sue Ryder
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hi @Becboo93
I’m so sorry for the loss of your estranged father - loss is loss, and totally individual to each of us.
I lost my dad when I was 27, and I immediately hated everyone of his age or older walking around…how dare they!
My dad was around but ‘difficult’, and we didn’t have a good relationship. But I was surprised at my reaction and feelings when he died - I was far more upset than I believed I would be. But looking back, I guess I understand now that he was still my dad, and I was part of him…he helped make me and nurture me.
Let your loss be whatever it turns out to be…feel whatever you feel and run with it, whichever way it goes. If it helps, write down how you feel each day (getting the stuff in your head out always helps). And believe that they never really leave us because we are part of them, however estranged or difficult they were.
Grief walks beside us quietly, sometimes gently and sometimes determinedly tapping us on the shoulder to remind us he’s there. Time just means he reminds us of his presence less, but he doesn’t leave.
I hope you find your path through the loss, and never don’t speak out if and when you need to.
Sending love