Loss of father/peri menopause

Hi, I lost my dad at the end of August. We were told his cancer was terminal in November last year; in July we were told 12mths, in June 6mths, then on 10 August it was days. He had been ill for almost 4yrs and for most of it, despite going through treatment, he was doing pretty okay. When we lost him I went into organisation mode, throwing myself into the funeral arrangements and sorting out his personal affairs as my mum couldn’t cope. I felt numb to begin with, then I just couldn’t process what had happened, it almost felt like nothing had happened. I went back to work a week after the funeral, 4 weeks after we lost him, and I was doing fine, but still felt like I hadn’t processed anything yet. I was diagnosed with the peri menopause over a year ago after a few years struggling to understand what was wrong with me. I went onto various meds and vitamins etc and by February this year I was finally in a much better place mentally. But over these past couple of weeks everything has suddenly gone backwards and I can’t tell what is grief and what is peri menopause related, I feel floored. I can’t concentrate or focus, I’m constantly waking up all night for no reason, so I’m permanently exhausted. This is now affecting my job and I feel like I’m letting my team down again - I have had time off for severe depression over the past 3 or 4yrs, but I thought I’d now dealt with that via medication. I just feel I’m going back down again and I don’t know what to do to stop me falling. I have no motivation, no energy, and little to no interest in anything. Sorry for the essay - I was just wondering if there were others out there with a similar story and what had helped them? Thank you.


Hello @Martine197, I’m very sorry to hear about your dad. I’m just giving your thread a gentle bump - hopefully someone will be along to share their thoughts.

You might also find these Sue Ryder resources helpful right now.

Take good care,

Hello @Martine197

I’m not sure I can offer major solutions, but I just wanted to let you know I can completely understand how you feel. It will be coming up 2 years this month that I lost my husband…he was 56, I was 50 at the time. I have been struggling with the peri menopause for years & spent lots of energy trying to distinguish between what was hormonal & what was grief. I think that I have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter what it is really, I just know it’s awful & I try and deal with it the best way I can at any given moment.

Take the pressure off yourself/don’t beat yourself up, be kind to yourself, take everything one day at a time, reduce as much of the stress in your life as practically possible, try to engage with friends when you can, eat healthy and exercise/walk, set yourself a small realistic daily goal, do things at your own pace. Some days you just have to give in & accept you are feeling rubbish…other days you might feel slightly more able to do things…just try and ride the waves as they come.

It’s still very early days in your grief perhaps think about taking some more time out to have some space? Or it maybe that you prefer to be busy… we all cope in our own ways. Do what is right for you… not what you think other people think you should do.

I’m not sure if any of my advice will help, but I wanted to share… please know you are not alone.

With hugs x

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Thank you @BarnCat, that’s really helpful advice. I’m trying to take each day as it comes, but this week has been particularly hard… Sending hugs back to you x

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