Hi, I lost four people within three months earlier this year…I lost my best friend first to lung cancer in February we were in the psychiatric hospital in the early 2000’s and became very close friends and talk to each other about our problems and mental health! Then two months later lost my mum’s youngest brother who was a main stay through out my life and only seven years older than myself died due to alcoholism abuse, this was devastating for me! I also lost my nephew at the tender age off 34 and finally my dad’s sister’s husband my uncle but he suffered with dementia and was over 90 years old and now at peace! My mental state has suffered in all this trauma and the two people that I spoke to regularly have now passed!! I was told by my psychiatrist to seek online bereavement therapy so I am now on line with this website seeking guidance on the best way to deal with loss! My psychologist many years ago told me that I was vulnerable to loss after losing my grandparents at a young age and suffering with depression at the age off 12 years old and suffered ever since then from mental health problems!!
This sounds devastating losing your best friend, mums brother -uncle, your elderly uncle and young nephew. It seems so much just typing this out now. I cant imagine how you are feeling. Life throws much at us which seems unbearable and surprisingly we carry on and keep love in our hearts. I guess thats all we can do … be kind and respond with love. Which also means being kind to ourselves. I do hope that you remember with fondness and have peace xxxxx Lynne
Thank you Lynne for your message, it has been really difficult, I went to my mum’s brother’s my uncle funeral it was very hard but what was even harder was the fact the my aunty didn’t let me go to the scattering of his ashes which would have bought some sort off closure!! I just have too deal with it and carry on!
Sorry to hear about this. Do you think it may have helped with the ashes ? Is there anything else that would be nice to do to respect him and maybe to have a place that you feel connected to him ?
When we buried my sons ashes we kept it very small as we had the funeral which was very big and didnt want to face seeing everyone again and the effort of putting on a face for those outside of immediate family. I never thought it would upset anyone. I hope that you can feel closure in time and of knowing that he has gone and feeling he is at peace.
Take care of yourself xx
Scattering the ashes would have bought closure but my aunty felt she wanted a small gathering off siblings of my uncle! And if she had invited me she would be obligated to invite the rest off the nephews and nieces, which would have been an extra 19 people on top of my uncle’s family and five sisters and one brother! We have a big family but I felt that when he was alive I was the only person who seen him on his birthday and Christmas and rang him every couple of days…we were very close but I felt left out once he had passed!
I can see that he meant a lot to you. Maybe you could have a walk with your mum where the ashes were scattered and perhaps leave something so that you feel connected to the place. I like leaving pebbles. Its just a thought.
Take care xxx
Thank you, that is a great suggestion but the ashes were scattered in the river with nothing to show for it! I just have to deal with it by myself and talking with my sister. On the evening off the ashes me and my sister went for a drink in honour off my uncle and had a Stella each to cheer him into the afterlife as he loved to have a drink which eventually killed him! I don’t drink anymore it has been 19 years as I was an alcoholic too many years ago!