I recently lost my grandma, whom I’ve lived with all my life. It wasn’t expected and she was absolutely fine, honestly until she was admitted into hospital. The care, failures and neglect throughout her care was awful, it broke my heart completely. Now I’m without my best friend, struggling to live life day to day, even when I’m awake I’m exhausted, no energy.
I live with my mum and grandad - whom both are depressed and I’m spiralling now downwards. I realise it’s hard but I can’t cope with it anymore. I would feel better if I didn’t have the pain nor the headache and if I could see my Nain again.
I was started on medication which I changed to take at night as it made me drowsy, but thought I’d see how I feel in the day but I feel worse taking it in the daytime. I barely eat, and I’m just bored of life really and just hate people hate socialising. No one really knows how I feel, sometimes my anxiety creeps up and I self harm I feel release of tensions and when I feel pain I feel better. With the medication I haven’t been purging as much, but not eating food is constantly on my mind, I’m trying to work through it but it’s hard.
I feel really low, down and lonely. I can’t really speak with my family because they don’t understand it really.
Some days differ and I feel better but I feel angry at the hospital with what happened and I feel really low. I feel like isolating myself is for the better at the moment.
Hi @Sadowl4,
Loosing someone you love, & who has been such a big part of your life is a big shock, especially when they go so suddenly. Personally I have found it very helpful talking with others on this forum, so talk here as much as is comfortable, we are all here because we’ve lost someone we love, you are not alone.
I have a long history of self-harming to, I first started hitting my head at 4 years old, it snowballed over time, I’m now in my 30s, & have the scars to prove it, all I can say is, if you think it would help, there are support groups, Sue Ryder also do counseling, alternatively, there are self-help sights that suggestion things like holding ice-cubes, but no pressure, you do what works for you. To be honest, when we’re grieving, especially in the first months after the person has passed, I guess we’ve all had days where we don’t want to eat, just can’t, don’t feel hungry, & just don’t have the energy to bother cooking, even just to put a pizza or whatever in the microwave for 2 minutes, I remember that feeling well. All I can say to this is, start small & simple, I only have one question, & you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, do you have a favourite food? Or type of cuisine? Or comfort snack food? My favourite food is calamari, & my go to snack for comfort foods is chocolate, rits crackers or nuts.
Just take it one day at a time, sending hugs of support.
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really low.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts and self-harm when they are grieving.
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @Sadowl4, get in touch with one of these services.