Loss of husband and mother

I lost my husband sudden death last week.
I lost my dear mother start of March
Sitting alone in house. Husbands funeral and next day mums internment.
Who would ever think both of them in same funeral directors.
He helped me to cope and administer her leaving this world which was just being wrapped up. Now I’m doing the same for him. A shock. Im hurting.

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Dear Unite

I cannot begin to imagine the loss of two loved ones in such a short time. I do understand the sudden loss of a husband and the pain that goes with it. My husband died in a road traffic accident last year, no chance to say goodbye and the shock that then accompanies our heartbreak. I was with my husband for over 42 years and he was there at every stage in my life when I needed him most. He got me through all our major hurdles over the years and we were so looking forward to retirement. I plod on as best I can for our kids and grandsons. I hope that you have family and friends around you.

You will find people on this forum a great support.

I lost my dad to cancer then lost my husband 6 months later to cancer.

Cancer is cruel & to lose two loved ones so close together beyond shocking.

I’m 3 years on from dads death & 2.5 years from my husbands death.

I miss them both however the initial gut churning shock has subsided & left a sadness that ebbs & flows.

Know that you will survive, the upward struggle won’t last forever.

Eventually you.ll have more good days then bad when you will smile at the happy memories & are glad that you were blessed with having known your mum and your husband.


Dear sheila26 thank you for your kind words. My husband retired last year in covid so we didn’t have a time to move on in our new life which was just starting. My faminjly are far away or abroad and my husband was so looking to holding a new grandchild born in canada and covid stopped all that.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with such awful losses. My mother declined quickly to dementia at the end of last year. My husband sat with her each day in difficult circumstances and then we finally managed to get her into a home in March. My husband died of sudden death 5 days later - he was 50. Although my mother is still here, she isn’t really - not in terms of knowing / understanding / supporting. So I have basically lost them both too. My husband’s death sent my mother-in-law into sudden decline and I have lost her as far as the person she was as well. I can’t really say anything other than life can be so cruel and can become a black hole in the blink of an eye. I just plod know now in a life I didn’t choose or want for the sake of my kids. Take care


I am the same I lost my mum late January and cannot believe that I also lost my husband suddenly in august, he was my rock when my mum died and it seems wrong that he has died in the same year but also months apart, we never know what’s coming and I knew when my husband died that my life would be over too, sending love and hugs at such a terrible time xx


Thank you so much everyone for responding so thoughtfully to messages. Yes life can be so cruel. You ask yourself 'what have I done. Am I being punished


I’m so sorry for your losses. I can truly empathise with you. I too lost my mum in March and then my husband at the end of August. To be honest I barely dare to think too deeply as I don’t think I would be able to function day to day. I have a very supportive family and some excellent friends. On the surface I appear to be coping well but I know I am really in denial and numb.

Both had been very ill. Mum had cancer and a whole host of other illnesses. My husband had two strokes and I was his full time carer. I was so torn as I couldn’t support them both. My mum lived over 120 miles away and I tried to get to see her every month. To do that I had to arrange a sitter to look after my husband and get to mum’s and back within a 12 hour period. With the lockdown at the beginning of the year and then hurting my back, I didn’t get to mum’s for the last 3 months of her life although I spoke to her on the phone every couple of days. Fortunately she was in sheltered housing and had carers in 4 times a day and my brother was close by and saw her twice a week. She also had friends that visited weekly. Despite that, I feel very guilty not being with her at the end.

My husband of 45 years, meanwhile, was deteriorating and I was burning out. I did everything I could for him but I was frightened, sad, angry and exhausted and wasn’t always very kind to him. I bitterly regret some of the things I said. He was unable to speak or swallow properly, wasn’t mobile and couldn’t do anything for himself. He died unexpectedly when he choked on some food while we were out one day. I’m totally devastated and distraught. I am now waiting for an inquest and have just received the post mortem report. I’ve had to query it as the physical description is nothing like my husband. I’m in such turmoil it hurts to even breath and sometimes I don’t know how I even manage to get out of bed.

This is the first time I’ve admitted to how I really feel. I spoke to a counsellor but I kept going round in circles and didn’t achieve much. I have tried journaling my thoughts as it helped when my dad died 11 years ago. This time it hasn’t been as therapeutic. At the moment I am just trying to live from day to day and get through the practicalities of life.

Sending hugs and love to everyone in this community who share their stories and help bring comfort to others by letting each other know that we are not alone in our pain and anguish. xx