Hi. My husband was on a waiting list for a triple heart bypass but he died the weekend before they notified me he had a date for this. Even although I knew he was unwell I still never expected to lose him. He was only 65 and I am 10 years younger. He had been retired for a couple of years due to the stress of work and I was to retire in the next year or so. We were looking forward to a life of just us again, as my daughter still lives and works from home and we were willing for her to lead her own life. He was extremely caring and loving. Thought I was coping but returned to work last week after only 2 and half months and the stress of this has put me in turmoil. The tension has caused an inflammation in my rib area which in turn is stopping me from doing things. I handed in my notice in that week but the next day requested a change of mind as my head is all over the place. I now have another months’ sick note. I feel I am letting my work down and sensed this from the tone of their email. I have been a hard working and loyal employee for 21 years. Also during this return to work, I was sorting out the sale of my husbands car, probate and his retirement funds. If it wasn’t for my daughter here, unsure I’d want to carry on. We were a team and made all decisions together and we supported each other. Feel so alone.
Morning @Joolsey
I am so sorry for your loss , my husband died suddenly no warning he wasn’t ill . It was as a heart attack. Sorting out finances as well as grieving is hard . I have had my son and daughter in laws support and they have been brilliant help me such a lot . They are close by but work.so it’s just myself and my dog here . My husband was 64 when he died, I am 5 years older than him . We to had many plans for holidays and days out . It’s now 8 months for me on this grief journey. I still take it one day at a time . I don’t think of the future as it is too scary. Keep posting on here they are lovely supportive people . It really does help to know you are not on your own . Look after yourself. 
Hello Joolsey, so sorry for the loss of your husband 
. I lost my husband 3 months ago. Like you my husband had health issues, in an out of the hospital, last time I took him to the hospital, i wasn’t able to bring him back home . He was there for 3 weeks . We knew he was very sick but I never thought I was gonna lose him, he had fought for so long, I just thought hed come home again..but sadly that didn’t happen..instead I brought home his ashes 1 month later. Im retired now. I took care of my husband. I cannot picture myself going back to work. Im 57, my husband was 57, both July babies. I just don’t think I’d be able to handle the stress of any type of job, i always have my husband on my mind…take care of yourself. I hope you keep posting. It helps to release the sadness and stress that we are going through. May God bless you 
Good Morning
Thank you for your replies and I’m sorry for your losses also. I thought I was just about coping, but now feel like I’ve hit rock bottom. They say to take one day at a time but how do you stop looking ahead and thinking of the life you should have had. Feel so let down by the NHS and the struggle to get seen and diagnosed. Our doctors surgery and ones near by don’t appear to have permanent doctors anymore. Everything is online and than a phone call. Everyone struggles to see a doctor.
My daughter is on an apprenticeship degree, her final year and has had to continue with her university work which has been tough for her. Final exams are end of June.
I don’t know about anyone else but my brain is racing with trying to work out what new hobbies, fitness classes etc to try and help myself and make new contacts. I’m not really one for socialising or fitness classes but what do you do? I have been to a support group but not sure this was for me as always have struggled in groups.
Thank you lovely ladies again, I hope we can find our way in this new life. 
Morning @Joolsey
I know it hard and I am further down the line than you . I still take it day by day . Thinking too far ahead is scary. I had cruise counselling over the phone which helped me . There is a long waiting list for it . I also go to a bereavement cafe once a month. I have recently joined the U3 A they have them all over the country. I am not really a social person, I have found I have had to push myself to join these things. As no one finds you sat in your own home . Have the best possible. Look after yourself
Dear Joolsey, so sorry for your loss and for all the stress, hassle and issues with probate that you have been having to face.
I have also had to deal with probate and some of the issues can cause massive triggers. Last week I was sick with anxiety at the thought of selling my husband’s car (he died suddently 3 months ago) so I decided to wait a few weeks before doing that. I think you need to take it one thing at a time, if all you can handle is one thing today, then do that.
I understand how horrible this all is. My husband was my strength, my best friend, the one who made financial decisions, the one who took the initiative on all kinds of things and I feel lost at sea without him. But for now this is where we are – and there are lots of supportive and nice people here. Hopefully today will be a better day. Sending you a big hug
Hi Joolsey,
I too lost my husband Dave suddenly whilst on holiday abroad in January due to an accident. We were married nearly 50 years. I resonate with a lot of what you say. The difference is that I’m retired but my daughter is a teacher and has recently handed her notice due to grief over her dad. She thought long and hard and decided to do supply when she’s ready.
I wasn’t ready or prepared for Dave’s death. The grief and trauma is overwhelming. As time has gone on I feel worse and although I’ve my family the intense loneliness and overwhelming responsibility of upkeep of home and physical exhaustion is too much to bear on times.
I’ve read a lot of messages, podcasts videos on grief and trauma and there is no right way to grieve but there are commonalities we share. Family and friends helps to a degree but I now feel the need to reach out for extra support.
I’m waiting trauma therapy as involved rescue breathing , CPR. Dying of an accident has made our family grief feel worse as potentially preventable and all the if only’s ? And why did God allow this to happen? I was with him at the time but didn’t witness the fall.
He was repatriated and funeral 11 weeks later. Can’t get those images out of my head and having a negative effect on my well being.
I still cry a lot, pray a lot for it all to end. I look forward to heaven more now and feel I’m just coasting along till it’s my turn. I’m in late 60,s but I don’t feel old. My Dave was in early 70’s when he died, fit and healthy.
You’re younger and have employment. I’m thinking I need to find something to do now. I don’t want to be defined as the widow who was never the same after the death of her husband. I don’t want to be bitter either.
God is real and he wants me to enjoy my life again and I know Dave would want that for me too. I can’t rely on my family to completely heal the absence in my life, I need to move forward and step out for that with the help of God and Holy Spirit guiding me,
I m at home on sunny days now where we had the freedom to go on outings in our retirement and still had plans for our future.
Our joint hobbies stopped now. It’s loss of identity, no longer a couple, feel too young to be on my own, I’ve never felt so isolated and vulnerable.
in spite of all these woes, its time for me to take action or I’m going to sink in my negative thoughts and self pity.
The amount of pain we feel is testimony to the love we have and that love will carry on. We need to turn that love into joy somehow, A recent video I watched says we need to allow time to be sad but there comes a point we need to recognise that the love we have for our loved ones is not defined by our misery. Letting go of the sadness is not letting go of the love you shared or the person, they will carry on in your heart.
This was from someone who lost 2 babies with same birth conditions after birth before they reached their first birthday, and she’s a Christian. She’s on you tube just put coping with grief and loads will come up.
Friends and family may not understand your faith journey as time goes on so searching elsewhere to help support and understand your grief journey is a way forward.
I’m praying someday we will find joy again. Jesus is the answer to all our pain and suffering. I watch a lot of Christian channels, TBN and listen to premier praise radio. I have attended church a number of times but don’t stay to chat as still can’t face people who knew us both. Fear of talking about it all.
Don’t worry about burdening any of us on this site as we understand and feel pain also. I only go on here occasionally and if I get a prompt via email. There comes a time when we all will need to step out and face living and not just existing.
My understanding losing a partner or anyone significant in your life can be extremely traumatic. There are also grief support groups, church or non church led. I’ve signed up for one in September but not run by my church.
I may look at employment either paid or non as finances halved now. Grief impacts all areas of your life but slowly we can move forward, not move on as that means letting go of our loved one.
There’s no timescale, just keep going, eating well, drinking, exercise, good routines are important. Cry when you want to cry, Cry out to God and pray.
A grief therapist suggests we take time out in our day to grieve, up to 20mins even if just few mins to start, that could involve looking at photos, reflecting on good times shared, and can involve crying. Important not to suppress or repress. We can’t go under or over grief, we have to go through it and whilst a personal journey we are not alone.
Look up David Kessler on you tube. He’s a renowned grief counsellor from America what he says about grief helped to validate mine and understand why I find it harder now at around 6 month mark.
Pray you are given strength and find joy in your day, it’s one day at a time. God bless!
Feel free to chat at any time 