Hi. My husband was on a waiting list for a triple heart bypass but he died the weekend before they notified me he had a date for this. Even although I knew he was unwell I still never expected to lose him. He was only 65 and I am 10 years younger. He had been retired for a couple of years due to the stress of work and I was to retire in the next year or so. We were looking forward to a life of just us again, as my daughter still lives and works from home and we were willing for her to lead her own life. He was extremely caring and loving. Thought I was coping but returned to work last week after only 2 and half months and the stress of this has put me in turmoil. The tension has caused an inflammation in my rib area which in turn is stopping me from doing things. I handed in my notice in that week but the next day requested a change of mind as my head is all over the place. I now have another months’ sick note. I feel I am letting my work down and sensed this from the tone of their email. I have been a hard working and loyal employee for 21 years. Also during this return to work, I was sorting out the sale of my husbands car, probate and his retirement funds. If it wasn’t for my daughter here, unsure I’d want to carry on. We were a team and made all decisions together and we supported each other. Feel so alone.
Morning @Joolsey
I am so sorry for your loss , my husband died suddenly no warning he wasn’t ill . It was as a heart attack. Sorting out finances as well as grieving is hard . I have had my son and daughter in laws support and they have been brilliant help me such a lot . They are close by but work.so it’s just myself and my dog here . My husband was 64 when he died, I am 5 years older than him . We to had many plans for holidays and days out . It’s now 8 months for me on this grief journey. I still take it one day at a time . I don’t think of the future as it is too scary. Keep posting on here they are lovely supportive people . It really does help to know you are not on your own . Look after yourself. 
Hello Joolsey, so sorry for the loss of your husband 
. I lost my husband 3 months ago. Like you my husband had health issues, in an out of the hospital, last time I took him to the hospital, i wasn’t able to bring him back home . He was there for 3 weeks . We knew he was very sick but I never thought I was gonna lose him, he had fought for so long, I just thought hed come home again..but sadly that didn’t happen..instead I brought home his ashes 1 month later. Im retired now. I took care of my husband. I cannot picture myself going back to work. Im 57, my husband was 57, both July babies. I just don’t think I’d be able to handle the stress of any type of job, i always have my husband on my mind…take care of yourself. I hope you keep posting. It helps to release the sadness and stress that we are going through. May God bless you 
Good Morning
Thank you for your replies and I’m sorry for your losses also. I thought I was just about coping, but now feel like I’ve hit rock bottom. They say to take one day at a time but how do you stop looking ahead and thinking of the life you should have had. Feel so let down by the NHS and the struggle to get seen and diagnosed. Our doctors surgery and ones near by don’t appear to have permanent doctors anymore. Everything is online and than a phone call. Everyone struggles to see a doctor.
My daughter is on an apprenticeship degree, her final year and has had to continue with her university work which has been tough for her. Final exams are end of June.
I don’t know about anyone else but my brain is racing with trying to work out what new hobbies, fitness classes etc to try and help myself and make new contacts. I’m not really one for socialising or fitness classes but what do you do? I have been to a support group but not sure this was for me as always have struggled in groups.
Thank you lovely ladies again, I hope we can find our way in this new life. 
Morning @Joolsey
I know it hard and I am further down the line than you . I still take it day by day . Thinking too far ahead is scary. I had cruise counselling over the phone which helped me . There is a long waiting list for it . I also go to a bereavement cafe once a month. I have recently joined the U3 A they have them all over the country. I am not really a social person, I have found I have had to push myself to join these things. As no one finds you sat in your own home . Have the best possible. Look after yourself
Dear Joolsey, so sorry for your loss and for all the stress, hassle and issues with probate that you have been having to face.
I have also had to deal with probate and some of the issues can cause massive triggers. Last week I was sick with anxiety at the thought of selling my husband’s car (he died suddently 3 months ago) so I decided to wait a few weeks before doing that. I think you need to take it one thing at a time, if all you can handle is one thing today, then do that.
I understand how horrible this all is. My husband was my strength, my best friend, the one who made financial decisions, the one who took the initiative on all kinds of things and I feel lost at sea without him. But for now this is where we are – and there are lots of supportive and nice people here. Hopefully today will be a better day. Sending you a big hug