I lost my husband, about 12 weeks ago to severe dementia in Alzheimer’s together for 46 years. I honestly thought I was doing okay obviously crying now and again and when I was on my own but now it’s hit me like I’ve slammed into a brick wall. I miss him so much I miss silly things like changing his catheter bag in the morning, making his thickened drinks, feeding him, just talking to him and kissing his face and letting them know he was loved and safe - I just miss him .
@julie8757
I think the first few weeks and months we are in shock, just numb really and I think that’s how the mind protects you for a while. Then, from my own experience and from seeing other peoples’ posts on here, there comes a point where the reality suddenly hits you, the whole enormity of the permanence of your loss… and exactly like you say it’s like hitting a brick wall. I described it like arriving at a cliff edge and getting awful vertigo. Our life wasn’t exciting due to my husband’s illness but we had each other, like two playing cards propped up against each other. So I think it’s probably normal what you are now feeling.
Also what no-one who hasn’t lost someone they have lived with for a long time doesn’t understand is how it is all those little everyday things that leave such a huge hole. My time/day was structured around my husbands meds and in the last months doing sets of eye drops 6 times a day, and all the hospital appointments every week that defined our world. I completely lost a sense of purpose.
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Thank you, I was the same, my husband couldn’t stand or weightbare, unable to hold a cup or spoon, double incontinent and for past two years non verbal so I did everything for him. It was a privilege, a pleasure to care for him and some days we had that connection and I saw the husband I know.