I lost my husband 8 months ago to tongue and throat cancer, he was 47 years old. He left myself and our 13 year old daughter.
Our daughter is coping with her loss a lot more successfully than myself fortunately.
I just feel like I died the day my husband died. I self isolate and feel like I have lost my purpose. I exsist soley now to get our daughter through to adulthood, I cannot see my future beyond that.
I am sorry for the loss of your husband, it must be very difficult for you and your daughter, I can only say that the thoughts of us in similar situations go out to you, you are not alone on your journey. You may find it helpful to find others at bereavement meetings who you can talk to,as I have.
Tony
Thank you Tony for your kind words. I’m so sorry that you have lost your wife and I am glad that you have found help and support at your bereavement group.
Claire
Dear Claire, I am so sorry to hear your suffering. Have you been recieving any counselling for you both? It is often the case that grief affects people in different ways and may even conflict with eachother.
My wife died on Christmas day after struggling for two years with bile duct cancer. The pain I felt when she died was unbearable and the first three months were particularly difficult. I found exercise to be very helpful as I would spend hours walking in nature often crying . Being physically tired helped with sleep and reduced anxiety. I would look for something beautiful each day to share with my wife.
I have also attended a bereavement course which was useful and posting on this site was a godsend as everyone understands the pain and suffering of a bereavement. I think it is very helpful to speak about your feelings as it is a form of therapy.
Wishing you all the strength you will need
Tom
Hi Tom,
Thank you so much for your very kind words. I am so sorry gor the loss of your wife and I am very pleased that you have found ways of coping with your loss.
My daughter is having bereavement counselling which is helping her so much, for me, I just feel like i’m treading water and getting nowhere.
The reality of losing my husband and the finality of it all is just too hard to stand.
Again, thank you.
Claire
Hi Claire, I am coping much better now than before but I still cry most days but normally they are cathartic tears when I see something that reminds me of my wife or feelings that just pop up. Often writing posts on here will end in tears but it’s important to let these feelings out. Unfortunately every so often I will get a darkness that seems to envelope us all sometimes when you start looking at an empty future and you feel broken, this was what most weekends were like but not always now. Hopefully things will get better for all of us but there are definitely things that help
I hope you are looking after yourself
wishing you all the best
Tom
Dear Claire, we all know here how devastating it is! My most beloved husband died last year and I still cry every day, so I’m not coping very well at all, but I’m proud of me to have accomplished so much throughout a year just by myself. The pain was the worst in the beginning, now I find more unbearable the feeling of loneliness and emptiness, because I have no family and am alone in a foreign country fighting for everything, so it’s extremely difficult and sometimes I think that it’s getting more worse than better… This is a wonderful place to be. I’ve found more help here than from people in my church. That’s a bitter truth. The faith is the only thing that keeps me going on and for many here as well. We help each other as much as we can…
Janka
Thank you Janka for your honesty. I am sorry that you too have lost your dear husband.
I keep hearing from people how strong I am, but I do not feel that I am strong at all. I am happy that your faith is helping you through this and that you are finding that reaching out to people on here is some comfort for you.
Sending you all the positivity and love in the world as you continue on your grief journey.
Claire
It’s very kind of you and I appreciate it from the heart, because people on this board are honest and good. I actually have the same feeling. We can’t show much in public, then we’d be in a trouble and more lonely than we are now. Especially at work I don’t like anybody to see me crying, so they think they I’m coping well too. People who used to help me and I considered them to be my friends, they are not very helpful anymore, because they think that I should move on with my life. None of them has ever experienced this kind of loss, so they have full pockets of advices, as usually. We have to be gentle to ourselves to stay mentally sane and strong as much as possible, otherwise would be over… We are all here for you and for everyone else… This is a blessed place indeed! 
Hugs from Janka
I’ve done it again haven’t I……
Watching the football last night, I turned to my husband in his chair to cheer but I forgot he’s not there, his chair is empty, he died 2 years ago and I do stupid things like that, then I feel such a fool, because I know he’s gone but he was such a big part of my life. I cared for him, I looked after him, he was so very poorly then dementia set in. My big man reduced to a mumbling wreck doing such crazy things and he was so cruel to me I had to let him go into a nursing home so I could have a rest, I was exhausted and became frightened but I wasn’t relieved I just wanted him to be looked after. When I visited him he said terrible things to me, shouting out, calling me vile names, accusing me of terrible things, yes it was the illness and finally I didn’t want to go near him, I lost him then. My daughter told me to just accept it wasn’t him to just sit with him, hold his hand, if only for a short while as he slept. He finally took his last breaths with pneumonia just before Christmas 2024 and I wasn’t with him as he died in his sleep at 4.00 am. My daughter saw to everything and arranged for me to be taken to the funeral home where I was able to sit with him in my wheelchair and at last to see him so peacefully at rest I for which I am grateful. I would never have believed how much I miss him and all the little things he did for me before he became ill, I’m not coping, I’m old, I’m not well and I’m so lonely. My family are so busy, they are scattered all over the country and I know they do care for me but I hardly see any of them which hurts but I don’t grumble as I’m so pleased to see anyone. Just a phone call from one of them is so appreciated and because I’m old so many of my dear friends have now died or are ill and again I don’t hear from any. I have recently been in hospital for 13 weeks and I’m home now with carers coming in 4 times a day to look after me but their visits are so short they don’t have time to chat, I can’t explain how I feel properly, I’m trying not to complain, I’m lucky to be alive but this gap in my life is hard to deal with, but I will shout We Won, We Won, even though there was no one to hear me, thank yiu for reading this, I’m sorry for going on but it has helped just to write how I feel.
Dear Cassie, it made me cry… I cried at the store when a not nice cashier asked me how I’m doing. I just want them to let me be, if I don’t know what to reply. My day wasn’t bad until she was constantly asking me to get my answer. Now I’m sitting on the same bench at our lake where I and my most beloved husband sat the last time together and I miss him so much that I barely see through the tears while writing this. Please, don’t worry about things that you couldn’t change. If your marriage was full of love, you shouldn’t think of the illness. It’ll hurt you and it’s not good. Keep the best memories…
Hugs from Janka