Loss of husband


I lost my husband in November 2020. He had a rare terminal illness for 12 years. The night before he passed I called an ambulance because he was in pain and had trouble with his breathing. Throughout the year he was in and out of hospital because of his breathing and he would stay for a few days, they would get his oxygen levels back up, and send him home.

On the last occasion he didnt want me to call the ambulance because he said he wouldn’t see me again but I knew on.my heart that I had to.

The following morning I had a call saying my husband had a fall in the early hours and had broken his leg. I was asked to go to the hospital because the doctors wanted to talk to me about their “plan of action”.

I arrived at the hospital and within minutes I was told my husband had hours, if not an hour, to live. So after telling my boys I was going to the hospital because their dad had broken his leg I then had to call them to come and say goodbye.

I am full of guilt because if I hadn’t had called the ambulance my husband would not have died that day. There is to be a coroners inquest because there are questions that need answers.

I can’t face life without my husband . I know I have my boys but I feel so alone. I feel that each day it gets harder and my grieving gets worse, to the point that I really don’t want to be here anymore

Hello Susanos,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Another good place to get support is your GP who can refer you to counselling or support services in your local area. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s on your mind. You can call them on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org.
Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

Take care,


Online Community team

Hello Susanos123

Dont feel guilt it is very hard to know what to do, the first thing we think is to get medical help for our loved one. It is the instinct that makes us to try to get or do the best for them. We have always hope that doctors and nurses do their best for people after all they suppose to be altruistic.

Hold there hour by hour, day by day

Hello Sue Ryder
Just wondering what other support is out there as I telephoned my GP and she’s referred me for counselling. I don’t know where to look. Way Up, jollie Dollies don’t meet in my area.
I’m struggling real bad, I don’t want to live, I have no friends or family, its just me and my three Sons, but their grieving too so I don’t want to keep crying on their shoulders.
I just don’t know what to do with myself, I’m trying to look for work.
Housework is boring.
I go for walks but I still come back to a lonely house.
I hate living, I hate this life.
Everyone’s out today, in their gardens laughing and having fun, but me, my fun ended the day my amazing soul mate died.
I’m really asking for your help as to where and who can support me. I can’t do this on my own, I don’t like my own company as I get dark thoughts. Im worried about my mental state, my head can’t cope.
I really need help who to turn too.
Amy x

Hello Amy49

So sorry for your lost.
I can understand how you feeling.
I know what you mean by " come back to a lonely house".
I think today is a bad day for some of us because as you said everyone is out today but us alone.
I have called Samaritans and text to cruse bereavement service you can talk or send messages up to 9pm

I think Marie Curie has also a help line for support in bereavement. I find the hospice service st Francis hospice.
I think GP send people to talking therapies.
Well if you would like to chat send me a message

Hi Amy49,

I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. I’m hearing how painful this is all feeling and I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s always someone out there to help you through this.

It’s good that you want to reach out. Some organisations who you can contact when things are feelings too much are:

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
  • You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
  • If you have any concerns for your health or safety, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.

If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder.

I was worried to see you say that you don’t want to live. I know you’ve spoken to your GP and that she’s referred you to counselling, but have you told her that you’re experiencing suicidal feelings? She may be able to offer you additional support or treatment for this.

I’m glad you’re posting on this forum, everyone here has lost someone they love, and we all understand what you’re going through. In this period, when you don’t feel that you want to lean too heavily on your son’s shoulders, know that the community is here for you and that we’re listening.

You deserve this support, keep reaching out.

Take care,

Hi amy I know how u are feeling I lost my partner who was my best friend and world iv got nothing now expect my daughter but shes got her own life . I just want to be with dean again and theres only one way but I know I can’t leave my daughter why is this happening to me .