Loss of husband

Coping with bereavement
#1

Hi lost my husband and my best friend and provider I am struggling very much at the moment with my mental health thinking I’m not gonna be able to do this on my own I have to try and go back to work and I find I’m having very bad anxiety over this just can’t seem to get it together enough to do to the hours I need to make ends meet I feel angry that he has just left me to deal with all of this knowing I suffer with my mental
Health

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#2

Hi @Turner22

I’m Kate, a member of the Online Community team, and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling.

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

Shout https://giveusashout.org are also contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Kate
(Sue Ryder Online Community team)

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#3

I won’ t say that I know how you feel, It was bad enough that I lost my wife of 40 odd years suddenly 6 months ago, I would not have retired if I knew that she would die after only 12 months retirement together.
You say that you are worried about going back to work, what more can be worse than what has already happened to you, worrying about going back to work may be worse than actually going back to work, give it a chance and when people ask you how you are don’t say ‘I’m fine’ tell the truth. Try to use your work as a distraction against the terrible situation you find yourself in.
It’s easy for me to say but give it a go.
I feel so sorry in my heart for you, keep coming here, they’re a good bunch.

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#4

Hi Turner22
So sorry to hear about your husband passing. I too lost my husband a few weeks ago 3 weeks after diagnosis. We didn’t have time to breathe let alone come to terms with it. Its hard and its worse for you as you are the provider and need to work. Thankfully I am retired. I feel that you need more time to grieve, maybe get some time off work sick. We had so much planned and its been hard cancelling everything. All the paperwork is manic so I feel for you having to do all that plus go to work. Take one day at a time… that’s what I’m trying to do. I hope you have family and friends are a to support you. Sending you a hug
Maria

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#5

Hello - Im retired now so dont have to go back to work. But when my Mum died - about 15 years ago now - i found that going back to work really helped me. Mum lived with my partner and I for 5 years and then had to go into a home for the last couple of years of her life - even in the home i was with her every day before and after work. Having the distraction of work plus the support of colleagues helped me enormously to cope. So i think returning to work would be a good move. Im now alone as my sweetheart died suddenly in March but at least have my volunteering job 2 days per week which is a pure saviour for me and keeps me grounded. I wish you all the best and my thoughts are with you.

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#6

It’s not just going to work that is the issue I have worked for the same place for 10
Years but only in a small roll I’ve had to take on extra hours in a different place from the one I’m so used to and it’s is in the evening as at the moment that is all
They can offer me I get so anxious it is very challenging as it causes issues with my stomach if I could get over that it would be fine I’m
Hanging on buy a thread at the moment in hope I can get hours at my other place we’re I’m comfortable and may be during the day as it’s the day time I feel more alone with my thoughts xxx my husband was such a good man he provided very well for us so really only worked a little job my anxiety is what is holding me back x

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#7

Oh - thats very unsettling at a time when you need the comfort of somewhere you are familiar with. Hopefully they could offer you some more hours in your usual place in the future? Are they understanding employers? If you can i would stress to them how this is affecting you. The stomach issues are awful i know. Im having the same anxiety reaction with moving house at the moment. Some days i can eat, others i cant and sleeping is hard. I dont know what to recommend. Have you consulted your gp to see if you could have something to help with the anxiety? Im on anti-depressants which help.

#8

Yes that are very good in fact my boss has let me have next week off as to be honest I haven’t taken any time off to when I my husband passed done it all while still at work and they all were there to help so ideally that’s is the place I want to work in .yes I’m on antidepressants also and have been for years I will talk to my gp but easier said than done I don’t want them to up
My dosage as I want to try to work it out with out it’s so tuff as know doubt you know only two
Well xx

#9

I’m so sorry you did not get much time it’s so difficult hope you have people around you life is cruel being with somebody for that long leaves such a big hole to try and fill my husband was my best friend and we done almost everything together also with are children so I don’t really have a social network at the moment but I will be working on that when I can get my self sorted

#10

My husband died 1 week after diagnosis. I know what you mean about the paperwork. This was 7 weeks ago but seems like a never ending age without him. We retired early in our 50’s so have had nearly 20 years in retirement and 50 years married. I dread to think of having to deal with the grief, the admin and work. All you can do is your best and keep going.

#11

Hi, I lost my husband 8 weeks ago, it was very sudden and unexpected, he has a massive heart attack, he thought it was indigestion and bang he was gone, we were on holiday as well(this country) he was our provider and we managed on his pension, I am only 62 so no pension as yet for me if my husbands will only come to me when I retire as it stands, pension service answer get a job! We want the week he died pension back, I am waiting for a full knee replacement and my anxiety is through the roof. I have had to go on universal credit which is something to help me through. I have tried to get counselling but everywhere has a waiting list.
So at the moment I am just carrying on day to day with the help from my son and sister.
You have to look after you which is very hard, sending love and hugs.

#12

All this after 8 weeks. It’s 8 weeks for me too but I have a pension and will have his after probate. I know how I feel and I am financially secure. You must be totally devastated.
All my thoughts are with you. Sandraxxx

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