My husband died 11 weeks ago and it feels so unreal.
Is this usual?
My husband died 11 weeks ago and it feels so unreal.
@HelenW it’s so so very hard. What’s your story? You’ll benefit from sharing, we’re all in the same boat and not through choice. I’m 14 weeks in, my heart is shattered. We all understand.
My husband was diagnosed with leukaemia in 2020 and had a bone marrow transplant in 2021. He was doing fantastically until July this year . He was told that the leukaemia had returned and unfortunately there wasn’t any thing that could be done
He died 2 and a half weeks later.
I am absolutely heartbroken.
He was my world.
My children live nearby and are trying to be amazing but we all feel so raw.
I feel like the world is going really fast and I can’t keep up.
It is making me feel very old
I am only 60.
@HelenW give yourself time to process this devastating loss. It will feel unreal at this early stage and don’t be in a rush. It can take a long time to accept the physical absence. Take up all offers of help, look after your physical needs and keep talking. Just take everyday as it comes because you won’t know how you’ll feel. Grief is brutal and you can expect that your emotions will be all over the place. Sending you best wishes xx
I lost my husband Steve 4 weeks ago today, we were on holiday in Benidorm. We’d only been there for 9 hours when he passed away in front of me. It took over 2 weeks to get him home. We have another 2 weeks to go until his funeral. It’s seems so surreal and I can’t believe I’m never going to see him again. He was only 44 and we’ve just recently found out he had an underlying heart disease.
He was my whole world I’m so lost without him.
I am sure l am repeating myself in part but l need an outlet, to let the pain out… The 17th of October will mark 8 weeks since my husband’s passing. It’s pure hell!!! If it weren’t for our cats that we both loved and need me l am quite certain l’d look for a way out of this misery. I am completely alone as we have neither family nor friends… we lived a rather secluded life, the two of us, with our books and common interests and each other’s company until the maledite prostate cancer killed him at 71. We were marrried almost 32 years. Nothing and no one can replace what we had, besides people who are lucky not to have been there, can neither understand nor relate to what it really feels like and what we all are going through. Those horrible ups and downs. On top of it all the pill the shrink l see prescribed really helped to lift up my spirits but has too many unwelcome side effects so l had to discontinue taking it.
I really think that the cats are the only barrier that keeps me from going, prevent me from putting an end to this thing called life that l lead now.
I am so sorry that you are feeling so low.
The emotions are certainly a rollercoaster.
I find I have to make myself go outside every day which helps lift my spirits a bit.
Nothing will ever replace what I/ we have lost but I know that Nick my husband would not want me to be so sad and low.
I talk to him regularly, even ask him questions!
I will never understand this but know I have to keep going.
I lost my first husband of 32 years, he was 60 and I was 52. I was still working and got counselling. The hardest part of losing your partner is that you survived. I guess we all believe that we will go together, unfortunately that’s not the case. He died in 1995, and life did go on,
made friends through bereavement group, travelled, remarried (he passed away on Tuesday), had a grandson and had a fulfilling second chapter. No pill takes away the grief, but staying active and involved
I will be 82 on 10/28, and feel very isolated. We had very few friends in
Las Vegas, I’m certainly not active, but will try to make new acquaintances and keep going.
Hope you will find a reason to keep looking forward.
Thank you Helen for writing back. You are right, l know my husband would not want me to be as sad and down as l feel now.
I wish l could at least go to the cementry and sit by his side,
but l don’t drive. I know he’s here with me and l do talk to him, there’s nobody here to think l’m nuts but the cats and l don’t think they do.
Hello mgersh 1028 and thank you for replying. I’m glad for you that you got a second chance to be happy and enjoy life. Yes, the isolation is one of the hardest parts and people aren’t always welcoming. I guess except for counsellors, not many are prepared to listen and l don’t want to be a bore… Wish you lots of strenght and peace of mind.
@Matisse thank goodness for those cats… It’s brutal, this life of grief but all you can do is keep going. Over time you’ll find that somehow you have adapted to a new existence. Build a simple routine and perhaps eventually find a new interest that might bring you into contact with potential friends? Don’t give up, sending you best wishes xx
Thank you Rosiepink🙏
lt’s true, each time l get so close to that edge - in my mind - l think of the cats and tell myself l can’t do that to them… especially since there’s this beautiful new kitten Matisse needing me and also Zoe, with her walking issues, that my husband had found last year, she was his closest and never left his side… May we all find some peace of mind🙏
It’s 11 weeks yesterday since I lost my partner of 35 years and I miss him every day. The pain in my heart never stops. But, I am trying to put some plans in place for myself, I’m going to be doing some voluntary work in the near future and have applied to become a member of the local oddfellows to increase my social circle, I know that is what he would have wanted me to do. His loss was so sudden and unexpected I still can’t believe he has gone but alongside that I have family who would be devastated if I allowed his death to kill me too.
We all have to deal with things in our own ways, keeping busy and making plans for myself are one of my ways of doing it. The other is believing what family and friends have said to me, I am a strong person and if it had happened the other way round and I had been the one to go he would never have managed and deep down I know that is true I just wish we could have had many more years together before it had to happen
Thank God for your family and close friends, it’s a heavens sent!!
I am also trying to get out a little now and see people. It’s not that l feel unwell doing it but it makes me realize how isolated we’ve both been. We didn’t need anyone, we had each other… lt’s not that people were trying to befriend us and we rejected them… here people have rather medium-sized to large families and keep very much to themselves anyway. The wonder-pill l was given to lift up my spirits came with some rather nasty side effects.
I think l’m repeating myself again:roll_eyes: So l wish you all the best and that you (and we all here) in time learn to live with the pain.
My husband passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly 5 weeks ago. I totally understand how you are feeling, its so hard to take on board whats happened. Ive started keeping a diary, i dont write in it every day just when i have to say something to him. Ive been reading the comfort book by matt haig which ive found useful and it doesnt need much concentration. I feel exhausted from thinking about him every minite of the day. Hope it helps to know someone feels the same xx
Hi Anni, thank you for the message. It helps to know that people understand your pain. It’s like being stuck in a nightmare. I literally can’t bear the thought of his funeral. I hope you have good support around you.xx
it feels unreal you keep thinking he will come back.I am dying to hear his voice,feel him .
its been 2 months and its so hard every day dnt know how I long I will keep going on like this .
It’s 7 weeks Saturday for me. I play some videos sometimes to hear his voice but then I get upset again. I’m so lost without him we did everything together. I didn’t ever socialise without him and he did so much for me. I hate my life without him.
same here we were so much into each other spend every moment together now .Never socialized without him and same did he.Even if he was meeting friend for a drink he would take me .Now this awful journey without him
There really needs to be a button on here. Every post i read has me crying.